Send your questions about life, love and modeling to Head Pro at [email protected]
I was trying not to do ANY work this week, but I figured it would be a crime to close out 2015 without one last Ask A Pro. Enjoy these before we all head out to our overpriced NYE events (the plastic wristband lets you know it's worth it!), and happy New Year.
Dear Head Pro,
My BFF of 3 years is starting to get on my last fucking nerve. When we first started being friends she was never clingy and could be independent but now it's evolved to the point where she is constantly texting me and gets upset when I don't answer. When I finally have the energy to answer her, she'll text me like, "where have you been." WTF why do we have to have a constant conversation. When I don't respond she'll send me messages like, "come baackk." When I see those message it makes me want to respond even less because I just can't handle clingy, needy people. When I tried to talk to her about it, she got really defensive. I just don't know what to do. She's still my best friend and I don't want that to change, but this clinginess is driving me fucking crazy. Can't people handle their own shit anymore?! Basically, how do I deal with a clingy BETCH!!!
About to chuck my phone at the wall
What's odd to me is why, if you're supposed to be BFFs, you can't explain WHY she's all of a sudden so clingy. People don't typically change their behavior that abruptly without something equally abrupt happening in their lives. Did she lose a parent, or a boyfriend? Did she start a new job, or move? I would say that instead of asking why she's being so fucking clingy, maybe act like, y'know, a friend and just ask what's up. How's she been? What's new? Maybe throw in a token apology about being MIA if you're feeling charitable. Otherwise, it sounds like you're moving beyond this friendship, and she's not cool with that. Either way, you're going to have to talk. Friends aren't like hookers, who NEVER care if you text them back.
Dear Head Pro,
My on again off again boyfriend and I have recently decided to really try to make things work. Everything was going great. We had a lot of issues in the past, involving dishonesty (on my part) and disrespect (on his). I'm a model in LA. While we were on our last break, I shot with a photographer who contacted me on Instagram. He does a lot of implied nudity, but the photos are in good taste. Anyway I ended up doing some nude photos with this guy, and told my boyfriend about it. The photographer posted a pic on me on Instagram for about 4 minutes, then deleted it. My boyfriend totally freaked out, said I'm not girlfriend material, that I'm worse than a whore because they at least get paid (the shoot was a "test" for my portfolio, I didn't pay him and he didn't pay me) and that I'm disgusting and ruined our relationship. He said I showed my body to the world and nothing is sacred anymore. He can't get turned on by me because everyone's seen me. I feel really really badly about the pictures. I didn't feel bad when I took them, but his reaction to them has made me feel really cheap and dirty. What can I do? How can I get my boyfriend to see me as a good person again?
Less Than A Whore
Abort this relationship. Like, yesterday. For starters, not once has an "on again, off again" relationship blossomed when people "try to make it work," especially not one with a murky history. Secondly, obviously any guy you date is going to have to be cool about your chosen career path. That's not going to be necessarily easy to find (LOTS of guys harbor similar attitudes about the sacrosanct nature of women's bodies), but it's possible. Since the picture was posted to Instagram, I'm going to assume that there wasn't any nip or cooter showing, so I don't even see what the big deal is. It's not like he posted a close-up of your butthole with the words "ALL MEN MAY ENTER" as the caption. So dump the boyfriend, but also be upfront about your job with future men to weed out the pearl-clutchers. I mean, Playboy playmates and porn stars get married, so there are chill guys out there.
Dear Head Pro,
Let me start by saying that I do not condone cheating in any sense. I don't care what the situation is.
That being said, I continually (since I started hooking up with guys) find myself in situations where I accidentally homewreck relationships. At least three times, a dude has straight up lied to me about his relationship status when I asked, and I've found out after we hooked up that he had a girlfriend. It's like I can't have a one night stand without this happening. And I've prevented many more situations where a guy has tried to cheat on his girlfriend with me but I knew he was in a relationship.
I'm super laid back and don't catch feelings easily, but I'm definitely not cool with cheating. Is it possible that there's something about me that screams side chick?
I don't think it's you so much as it is that sometimes, guys' reputations for being scumbags isn't unearned. There's also the fact that if a guy's looking to cheat on his girlfriend, he's probably not trying to play the long game to get some tail. He's going to go home with whoever will have him that night, so that's obviously going to be someone who takes a pretty casual approach to hooking up (e.g., you). Consider too that if these guys are taken there MUST be something good about them, which probably makes them stand out to someone looking for a quick fling. Personally, it wouldn't keep me up at night being in your position. It's not like you're doing it knowingly or on purpose, and I would hope that you're not using one-nighters as a long-term dating strategy so there's no reason to be bummed that these guys don't pan out. You just have to keep in mind that if you're going the "quantity over quality" route, you're more often than not dealing with people who aren't terribly discerning in their choices, either.
Dear Head Pro,
A few months ago my then boyfriend and I broke up. We ended things on good terms due his lack of time from a work promotion, and remained friends. A couple weeks ago we saw each other and hooked up, and then it happened again two weeks later. I was feeling fine about the situation and didn't have any expectations of getting back together since the circumstances hadn't changed. Then out of the blue he announces he can't handle doing friends with benefits and wants to remain just friends. Im just confused why a guy would give up no strings attached sex especially when he told me he hasn't been seeing anyone or had time to. Are guys ever really uncomfortable with casual sex? I know he's a good guy, but he's still a guy.
Well, it's not "no strings attached," is it? I mean, you guys dated -- that's literally the opposite of "no strings." Some guys are definitely uncomfortable with casual sex (maybe not as many as women, but still plenty), and fucking the ex you recently tried to cleanly break things off with is hardly casual. The benefit of casual sex is that, in absence of actual, genuine intimacy, you get your dick wet (or your wetness dicked, as it were) without any of the headaches or uncertainty that comes with a more formal relationship. He's not getting ANY of that with you.
If anything, he's probably wondering why you're so nonchalant about the whole thing. Like, in his mind, if he's dealing with emotional strife and uncertainty, why aren't you? He's also probably worried that if he keeps porking you, he'll never be able to really move on and find someone else, either to date or have genuine NSA sex with. I don't blame him. I think we've all played the "ambiguously fucking your ex" game, and it's all sunshine and sausage gravy until you show up at your door in the frat house with a new prospect, only to be met with a drink and a slap in your face from your ex because your roommate spent the last 30 min telling her about the other girls you've been banging. Not that that's happened to me, or anything. Just move on and do the friend thing until that fizzles out too. No one's ever quite as emotionally detached from something as they think they are.
That's all for this year, everyone. Have a great NYE, and hit me up next year at [email protected]