How Do I Stop Leading a Guy on Without Being a Bitch? Sexts and Subtexts

By The Betches

Dear Head Pro,

So I met this guy at work and was never really interested in him, but then on my last day there he asked for my number and I didn't know how to say no/ didn't see a huge issue with it.  He began texting me and I realized I didn't actually ever want to hang out with him.  He calls me "fast life" as a joke and always pretends I'm a huge partier which is frankly just annoying, cause he's not funny.  I decided to be cold with one-word answers and just hoped that he got the hint and would stop trying to meet up but he appears to be oblivious.  Finally, last night, I got drunk and when he texted me I was straightforward with him.  Can't say I wasn't a huge bitch but also can't say I regret it... You would think he would stop texting me by now but instead, to my dismay, I woke up to yet another text from him! I'm not sure how to get the message across, if my texts last night didn't do the deed.  Do I just ignore his texts until he finally (hopefully) gets the message, or do I respond with another straightforward, bitchy thing?
Please help, he's driving me nuts.


Bat Shit Crazy Bro Victim

P.S. TITS stands for Tavern in the Square and is a bar I once, months ago (while we were still coworkers and before we exchanged numbers) mentioned I go to sometimes.

Dear Bat Shit Crazy Bro Victim,

I don’t know if I’d call him “crazy”, just really, really fucking lame. He reminds me of a a bro I hang out with sometimes who insists upon calling girls “kid” or “kiddo” despite being nearly 30 goddamned years old. Dudes like that are categorically The Worst. The thing with guys like that, as you’ve noticed, is that they’re completely oblivious to the real world around them. They think, in part because of their knack for “clever” nicknames, that there’s no way a girl could possibly not want them. When you say “I don’t want to hang out with you”, they hear “I don’t want to hang out with you RIGHT NOW.” I mean, after all, you gave him your phone number. To him, that’s like having a lifelong free boarding pass for the train to drillville.

So yeah, definitely have to get bitchier. One way would be to delete his number and then play the whole “who is this?” game when he texts. It should ding his ego pretty bad. Or, you could just drop all pretenses and respond to his next text with “Dude, why are you still texting me? I’m not interested.” Be warned though, no matter how you successfully get rid of him, he’s going to come back with a barrage of fury that will lower your IQ a few points. To guys like that, if a girl doesn’t want to them, it’s because there’s something wrong with the girl.

Meet you at TITS? 

Head Pro

So I meet this guy a few months ago and ever since then I kind of liked him. Fast forward to now and still nothing has happened between us. So one night when I was drunk I stupidly called him and screwed things up big time. After that everything clearly just kept getting worse as you can tell from the awful texts I sent him. Clearly he hates me now and I'm so pissed off because I acted like a freak to him. What can i possibly do (if anything) to make him think I'm normal and to make him want me?

Screwed Up Big Time

P.S. I'm not usually weird on text like this but I was just feeling bored and lonely at the time.

Dear Screwed Up Big Time,

-1 for drunk dialing
-10 for being desperate and asking to hang out, for validation, etc.
-452,456,365,735,677 for pulling the old “zomg that was my friend texting you” trick

You acknowledge your folly, which is a good thing, but if you met a guy a few months ago and nothing has happened, that’s a pretty good sign he’s not feeling you. And, you know, it’s one thing to feel bored and lonely and text someone for no reason. I get that. But asking someone why they answered when you called is like asking why someone went to the hospital when they got stabbed. It’s a pretty natural reaction. Doing so just makes you come off as desperate. What were you hoping he’d say? “Well, I answered your phone call because I’d been waiting all these months for that phone call. I thought it was a dream, but when I realized it was happening I couldn’t contain myself?”

As for him thinking you’re normal, good luck with that. If you want to make him want you, I suggest your next text says something to the effect of “I am ok with butt stuff.”

Still having that party? Will there be butt stuff?

Head Pro




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