June 22, 2014
Whoever said “betches don’t lie, we just stretch the truth” was blatantly lying. A cornerstone of betch life is #129 making shit up. Most of the time betches are brutally honest but sometimes lying is a necessary evil, like eating a full meal. Besides the old “I’m not hungry,” here are more lies a betch tells.
If you’re a true betch you don’t even need the words to know exactly what scene we’re talking about. This also includes, “No you look really good in that.” (Translation: you look literally the same in all seven outfits so can you please shut the fuck up so we can start pregaming already?)
AKA what a betch will call “fudging the truth” or sometimes “exaggerating.” Like when you ask your professor for an extension because you had a “panic attack” over the weekend but by “panic attack” you really mean “extreme hangover.” It’s the thought that counts, in this case the thought of you getting a B on your paper instead of an F. Other examples include “I think we should just be friends” when what you really mean is “You chew with your mouth open and were rude to the waiter and I never want to see your face again.”
Meaning shit like “omg sorry my friend stole my phone” except like, the actually believable version.
99% of the stuff a betch says to her parents: “I’ll call you tomorrow,” “No I haven’t crashed the car again,” “Yes I really do need $200 so I can pay rent this month,” etc.
This is another type of lie that most often falls under the “parents” category. “Mom I didn’t lie to you about going to formal this weekend, I just didn’t tell you because I knew you’d be mad.” Personally I don't even think this is a real lie, they should just call it "conveniently leaving out key details."
Just like blacking out, taking trips to candyland, and online shopping, lying is best for a betch in moderation. Calling in sick for work every once in a while for a “mental health day” is totally kosher, as long as you don’t become one of those freaks who makes up wild (and totally unbelievable) stories about doing lines with Miley Saturday night when we all know you sat on your couch watching Parks and Recreation. No betch ever lied to make herself “look cool,” and pathological liars are a hop, skip, and a lie away from being branded sociopaths.