March 10, 2014
Last night the OWN network aired the first episode of Lindsay, a documentary about Lindsay Lohan’s attempt to stay clean after leaving rehab. I have to say I hope this picks up because the episode was boring as shit and there were so many commercials that I wasn’t sure if this documentary was supposed to be about Lindsay’s road to recovery or Jessica Simpson’s struggle with weight loss.
Anyway, to sum up last night we got to see Lindsay pack up her shit and move to New York after a 30 seconds of contemplating going to Europe to meditate. This idea was quickly shut down by Oprah who apparently thinks Europe is to sobriety what lip injections are to all the women involved in this interview. Of course, Oprah gave her some other words of wisdom to start her journey out on the right foot.
Oprah: You look tan.
Oprah: Your willingness to share your struggles and your wounds for money is really helpful for everybody.
The documentary revealed that Lindsay has just finished her 6th stay in rehab. I guess that’s how many stays it takes to realize that ‘there’s nothing left in having a drink for me. I’ve met all the cool people already.' But really, Lindsay has more excuses for herself than any person I've ever seen. "They let the Bling Ring girl out of jail before me. The other girl's dad got to visit everyday in rehab but for me they're all like 'no special treatment'." It's like, so hard to be a celebrity with multiple DUIs these days. This is the OWN network Linds so how about you just own being a fuck up.
This montage of her moving shit out of her boxes juxtaposed with people talking about how lost and/or how genuine she is is ridiculous and makes no sense.
Rando Street Person: I feel like she’s just really genuine, just needs to get help.
Lindsay: Just throw that in that box.
Rando street person: She’s just lost and will hopefully find her way.
Lindsay: Wait are we like done?
I’m so bored and I’m getting tired watching Lindsay’s tired eyes. I’m also hoping Lindsay wears a bra in future episodes as her entire body is sagging. Is there a bra they can make for her left eyebrow?
“Ugh life sucks I don’t feel comfortable living in a hotel.” Can’t we just like say that you also can’t AFFORD to live in a hotel?
Is the drama of this episode really “it’s this many days out of rehab and Lindsay still hasn’t found …AN APARTMENT” Literally this is not suspenseful … LINDSAY LOOKED AT 10 APARTMENTS AND FOUND ONE SHE LIKES. SHE’S ABOUT TO SIGN A LEASE. #Lindsayleaseproblems
Her hotel room looks like Grey Gardens.
Bottom line, what I got from this interview is that Lindsay Lohan has more of a delusional mental disorder than a drug problem, personal assistant Matt’s life totally sucks, and that whenever someone has to say they're in a really good place they’re absolutely not. Lindsay is actually a very good actress and I really believe her role in this documentary as ‘girl who wants to get better and continue working’.