July 5, 2011
Although betches are generally obsessed with themselves, it gets tiring to constantly think only about oneself. We sometimes have to take a break and focus on others, and since a betch never thinks about anyone less cool than her, fortunately we have numerous celebrities whom we love and admire. But there are no celebrities that we find more intriguing than the members of the Lucky Sperm Club. Think Paris Hilton, the Kardashians, the entire Royal Family.
Betches love anyone from the Lucky Sperm Club. No amount of hard work will get you into the LSC. Being a member of the LSC requires being born into a family where someone else (perhaps generations ago) had legitimate talent, and even though you’re only questionably competent, you have the chance to automatically be well-liked, famous, and rich.
Not all members of the LSC are created equal. Some have more talent than others (Drew Barrymore, Gwyneth Paltrow, Charlie Sheen, the Smith children) and we often forget that they were even the spawn of legends. Or sometimes we just don’t care how talented you are, and the less obvious the reason for your fame, the more interested we are in finding out everything about you. We’re talking about Paris Hilton, everyone from The Hills, the Kardashians, Ivanka Trump, Rumer Willis, Suri Cruise (you’re three years old and already a fashion icon?) and our personal favorite, the Royal Family.
Why so much respect for the Royal Family? It’s because they’re somehow able to personify class, even as they've continued to milk their family’s money and status for centuries. This is the true essence of what it means to be in the LSC. But royalty is the shit because they also manage to keep relatively private, unlike the multitude of fame whores who comprise this group. They’ve mastered the art of hard to get, which is the key to every betch's heart. As much as Prince Harry is the black sheep media whore in the fam, you’d never see a royal in even the classiest Chanel ad. Unlike Kim Kardashian who gets paid by the amount of perfume bottles she sells, the Royal Family gets paid by every citizen in the United Kingdom just to be who they are. Imagine having an entire nation taxed so you can have a ski home in Switzerland! They’re also the only ones besides Madonna who can get away with no one knowing what their last name is.
We love tons of celebrities, but there’s a special place in our hearts for the LSC. They’re sooo entertaining, and there’s nothing more exciting than finding out one of them got a DUI or has a sex tape. It’s important to note that all of these celebrities will claim to have earned their success based on their talent and hard work, because starring in a reality show where cameras follow you to Anguilla is just like working 22 hours a day at an investment bank.
What we do admire is their unwarranted sense of self-love because as betches, it’s an emotion we can totally connect with. As LSC President Paris Hilton once said, “I get half a million just to show up at parties. My life is like, really, really fun.” This is what betches aspire to, and regardless of their attitudes toward it, we still admire their lifestyle, if only because it involves partying, being skinny, and getting to design their own clothes.