Think about the first time you fell in love with your Uber driver. TBH it will probably be kind of hard to remember considering you were blacked out and it was 4 am, but you can think of general details.
He definitely played Blank Space for you, listened to you bitch about that bro who was talking to the girl with the ugly eyebrows, and then passed you back a mini water bottle so you wouldn’t throw up all over the interior of his Honda.
That is what it means to be a great person. Your Uber drivers through the past few years have shown you what it means to be selfless because you clearly fucking aren’t.
Now, there’s some competition for your love and admiration: Lyft.
Lyft has basically been the ugly younger sister of Uber. Now she got a nose job and discovered ombré is a trend of the past.
When you first sign up for Lyft you get 5 free rides. Only catch is they’re up to $10 each so if you’re blacked out trying to get a ride home at 4 AM from PHD to your FWB’s house across town make sure you have your dad’s credit card linked to that shit or you’ll wake up to an email saying your ride with Bagdeesh cost you $50. Almost worse than waking up and realizing you slept with a 6.
Lyft also thinks it’s really sneaky and betchy about their peak time fees known as PrimeTime. Last weekend, I got a Lyft at 2 am and got charged a 200% peak time fee. Fucking 200 percent of the actual cost of the ride. I know I cheated off that nerdy girl in Calc senior year, but how is that even mathematically possible?
Lyft honestly can’t expect me to understand WTF PrimeTime means at 2 AM. Are they referring to a prime time to drunk text my ex? A prime time to order Domino’s because I won’t remember it in the morning? I honestly probably wouldn’t be able to tell you my middle name so very clever of Lyft to take advantage of my drinking problem.
Just like with Uber, you can rate your driver at the end of your ride, but the catch is they can also rate YOU. If your passenger profile is shitty, no one will want to come and pick you up.
Basically if you throw up in the backseat cup holders, sing/scream “Hello” when Adele comes on, and take a million Snapchat videos (with the flash on) of your driver doing shit that isn’t funny to a sober person – you’re probably walking home. Stick to Uber.