Mad Men Recap: Joan Got Loaned

By The Betches

On Blackout Sunday's episode of Mad Men, Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce and Campbell the Dud all had a pow-wow about the market price of Joan's boobs. In today's dollars $50,000 is about $360,000. Hmmmm...we finally know how Cyrus Rose feels when he says 'NOT ENOUGH!'


mad men the other woman"Dude, you're fat. You gotta upgrade to diamond."


Joan apparently agrees with us because she says fuck that and requests partnership instead. Whatevs, like sure this bro looks like he didn't make it very far on The Biggest Loser but I'm sure he has many Jaguars. Another thing, why does everyone just let Lane call it jag-oo-are? That's not even a British accent, it's just stupid. Either way, it's better to have a 5% stake in a company that pimps out their secretaries than a 0% stake in a company that doesn't pimp out their secretaries and is insolvent because their soft in the head treasurer is frequently embezzling from it...right?

We felt like proud mothers watching their daughters have their first drink when Peggy was telling Don she was leaving him. Finally she's looking out for herself instead of going back to her corner office in Don's asshole. Notice he threw that money at her the exact way he's casually tossed it at many a mistress during The Betty Years.

We hope Peggy kills it at her new job with the gay guy from Desperate Housewives. She smoked weed a few weeks ago, so we know she's en route to being chill. We have a feeling once she's not stifled by her masochistic worship of her boss that she'll start acting like a boss. Maybe she'll lose 5 pounds and finally get rid of the Flock of Seagulls situation she calls hair.

Not only did Don lose his indentured servant Peggy to his arch nemesis (what is it they call that? twisting the dagger? rubbing salt tequila and lime in the wound?) but he also lost his wife to the stage. Megan got a call back----Megan's mouth got a callback and Don got pissed off when she said she might have to go to Boston for auditions, d-dubbs Don, Yankees fans understand. The misogyny there is so real, it's like, 'Of course I'll support your dreams Megan as long as it doesn't interfere with my getting laid or dinner.'


mad men the other woman"What moisturizer do you use? It smells like shit."


Don delivering his pitch was soooo Don Draper-y. From his smirk to his well fitted suit to his subdued tone...was everyone else also thinking 'shit now every guy who loves him will only love him even more' ? Thanks Mad Men for further propagating douchebagginess in America. No seriously, thanks.

And how about that shrew of an account man Pete. What a motherfucker. Don't get us wrong, we love a good scheme, but only when we're the ones scheming. He single-handedly manipulated Joan into fucking the Tsar of Russia while still having time to complain to his wife that he wants to move back into the city. Speaking of his brunette wife, does it not concern pussy boy Pete that his kid is fully blonde and may or may not look exactly like Ken Cosgrove? Only time and the kid's inevitable A+ in Creative Writing will tell.

Quote of the Night:

Ginsberg: I'm not a manager or anything but it's really hard to get things done with you in another room.Don: I obviously feel the opposite

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