Mad Men Recap: I See Dead People

By The Betches

It finally happened betches, Don shady asshole Draper is back. No longer will we be forced to endure lame shit like him turning down hookers and answering Megan's calls. Mad Men proves to the world what we've always known: nice guys finish last. But in the last 3 seconds he gave some slut the onceover, 13 episodes of monogamy flew out the window, and we fell in love again.

So why the switch, Donny? Some may think Don's tooth represents guilt over the deaths of Lane and his brother, but we know the truth. He felt bad that he forgot to schedule the couple's dentist appointment! Not only is Meg the world's worst actress of '65, but the bitch is cramping Don's game and that's why his tooth was so big, it's full of all the sluts he didn't fuck.

mad men phantomWaiting for this day to come.


And just when we thought Meg was the worst, now her mom has invited herself over to chill at the apt. We could comment on her broken English and misuse of idioms but there are questions far more burning, such as: How are her teeth so straight? Why is she even there? Actually why is Megan even there? Even her mom is just not that into her.

Deep down we know that the real reason Meg's mom is around is to keep Roger in BJs during divorce season. Rog is getting real weird and we love that about him. He's just trying to have a good time, get fucked up, and hook up with bitches. In other words, living the dream.

mad men phantom

We still don't feel bad for Peter, like stop complaining that you need an apartment in the city as if you're some 22-year-old living with your parents. The thing you're experiencing is called Marriage, wiki it. And really Pete, you're more enthused about fucking a lobotomized Gilmore girl than getting a new pool to tan at? They're called priorities, get some.


Regardless of everything that "happened" we think the finale was dece at best. We totally see why people say nothing happens on Mad Men. Like if this were any other show, we're positive Lane would've saved his sui for the finale. Fucking selfish arse. Whatevs, Mad Men finale and this Adderall shortage do not mix.

For our finale bonus, watch our Sunday nights collide here:

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