April 23, 2013
In this week's stupid news, a 42-year-old bro named Marco Gonzalez was caught attempting to steal $865 worth shit from a CVS in Connecticut. What kind of shit you ask? Well #189 nail polish of course! Immediately we were dying to know what Gonzy was planning do with 102 bottles of nail polish. Open a new nail salon because America is in desperate need of more? Paint his abnormally large toe nails? Sell them on the nail polish black market? Unfortunately we'll never know. What we do know is that he only went for Essie and Sally Hansen. WTF G? Is OPI too good for you? Maybe he started with Essie and was looking to take OPI next but then saw the lace sticker manis and just went wild.
Anyway, someone saw him shoving Bobbing for Baubles and Sugar Daddy down his pants and contacted the nail polish authorities. Gonz admitted he never intended on paying for the polishes and then as he was escorted out of CVS shouted, "FUCK THE FREE WORLD!"