February 3, 2015
Mariah Carey, one of the betchiest celebs of all time, has fallen a long way since she peaked back in like 2004, and things don't seem to be getting any better for her. Last weekend, she headlined the Jamaica Jazz and Blues Festival (wtf), and she literally forgot the words to some of her biggest hits. That's like totally embarrassing on its own, but it's worse because the vocal track kept going even when her mouth wasn't fucking moving. Whoops.
I know Mariah is probably still stressed about her divorce, but girlfriend needs to get her act together. She's scheduled to start a Las Vegas residency at Caesar's Palace in May, and audiences that are used to seeing Celine Dion slay it every night aren't going to be pleased with a tired lip sync rendition of Touch My Body. Mariah is known for her ridiculous voice, but in the last few years everything about her has been ridiculous. She even named her twins after rooms in her goddamn house. We need the Mariah that sang that fierce duet with Whitney Houston at the end of The Prince of Egypt, not some bitch who can't make it through one 3-minute song without taking a fucking break from singing. If you see her, let us know.