Marijuana Makes You Skinnier: Breaking News

By The Betches

We kid you not, our friend just sent us the most amazing news article ever. Good news, Stoner Betches, pot makes you skinnier. Voila, it looks like we have the answer to the obesity epidemic: legalize weed.

Seriously, some scientists discovered that people who smoke are less obese and less likely to get diabetes, and most importantly, have smaller waists. So we guess this means you can either go running to get skinnier, or stay where you are and smoke a joint. I mean, obviously the "scientists" are puzzled by how this could be, but every stoner knows that stoners are only hungry when they're not high, which is never, leading to a lot less eating in general. Also, smoking makes you lazy and no true stoner betch would waste their limited smoking energy on ingesting anything besides more pot smoke.

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