January 29, 2015
Marshawn Lynch plays football for the Seattle Seahawks and is your new spirit animal. The NFL required him to attend a press conference or pay a bunch of money, so he decided to answer every single question with "I'm just here so I won't get fined." This is my goal in life: be so fucking good at something that I can do whatever I want, and people on the Internet think I'm god's gift. This is the perfect response to questions from any family member: "Are you dating anyone?" "What are you thinking about doing after college?" "Why don't you come home more often?" or a professor or an ex or your frenemy, really whenever somebody asks you a stupid question: "I'm just here so I won't get fined."
Then the Skittles company gave him his weight in skittles to eat and he delivered another fantastic one liner: "I wouldn't want to hang out with anybody that talks." Who gives a shit about the Super Bowl, Marshawn has already won life.
Someone buy this shirt for him ASAP: