148. The Maybe Gay Bro

By The Betches

April 4, 2012

Yes, you know who we're talking about. It's the guy with the chiseled abs whose summer polos perfectly match his boat shoes, the one who hooks up with girls yet everyone has an inkling that it's just for show, the guy whose dad has a voice that's just a little too soprano for comfort. He's the maybe gay bro and well, he may be gay.

We're not talking about the guy who is so fabulously homosexual that his adeptness for Gaga sing-a-longs combined with his gorgeous gay-face confirms everything he hasn't. The MGB wouldn't be caught dead at a Britney Spears concert or wearing a denim jacket, but he usually boasts things that excite us, like puffer vests, a home address on a major shopping street, and aggressive dance moves.

Don't be embarrassed if you've made out with him, you're not the only one. In fact, many of us have had awkward sexual encounters with the MGB because this bro's sexuality is as perplexing as figuring out why your dumb friend keeps beating you in Scramble with Friends. The MGB will often confuse a betch by doing lot of typical manly shit, like lifting weights, talking about how much he can lift, playing a sport, and spending quality time drinking with his bros. Spotting him is often harder than navigating an LF Sale.

simon and ryan

The mystery of the MGB is more intriguing than a model who doesn't do coke. When #1 talking shit with your besties, the conversation will always at one point or another lead back to the pivotal question, "Well is he or isn't he!? I don't get it, like can he just come out already???" Unlike our out and fabulous #52 Gay BFFS the maybe gay bro has something to hide and secrets he'll never tell. That or you've convinced yourself he's just like, super metro with an unusual affinity for Passion Fruit-tinis. If you're the girl who's brainwashed herself into believing this, you probably want to or already date one. There's even the girl who hooks up with him for his Park Avenue apartment and wouldn't think twice about continuing to date him upon hearing he bats for the other team. Undoubtedly, this is your friend who hates sex and whose husband will likely have a "best friend" in the back house.

That's not to say that the MBG can't be straight. After all, there's a sexual spectrum and maybe this guy has the kind of sweet sensitive heart that allows him to have 20 minutes of platonic hand holding with his female friends who will keep him in the loop and publicly defend his sexuality. And hey, there's a part of you that even hopes you'll never find out, in the interest of maintaining intrigue and conversation points.

Though he may seem like the perfect combo between the SAB and the Gay BFF, the MGB isn’t something betches actively seek out for the purposes of hooking up or dating. Often a well-meaning sorority sister set us up with him because “you’d look good together,” or we drunkenly met him post-midnight at the club, and our vodka sodas told us his velvet loafers were totally unquestionable.

When debating whether to actually date the MGB, the decision is simpler than a trust fund baby. Betches don’t need to be a sexuality weathervane for an ego boost - we simply look in the mirror. Unsubscribe. While he’s great for a sushi date or making straight bros jealous, the MGB is potentially playing a game that we could lose by default. Remember girls, ‘B’ stands for betch, not beard.

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