Mean Girls Explains It All: The Syria Conflict

By The Betches

Yesterday Buzzfeed did an article on the Syria situation explained by The Hills. While this really helped get us up to date on the matter, we actually think Mean Girls can express it better. So...WTF is up with Syria?

As with your most basic of civil wars, it starts with Syria's different ethnic and religious groups. 

This being the middle east, obviously the fighting between groups has escalated.

Technically the war began three years ago with protests and a failed revolt against the dictator, Bashar al-Assad, by rebel groups.

The rebel groups didn't accomplish anything, and Assad is still in power. His family has been running Syria since the 70s.

The war continued to escalate while America tried to ignore it. Obama doesn't want Assad ousted, because whoever replaces him will be friends of Al-qaeda. 

But then Assad began using chemical weapons to stop the rebels. This ended up killing over 1000 regular people and innocent children.

So why is this America's problem?

The problem is that a year ago, Obama said he would take military action if the regime used chemical weapons. Chemical weapons are against international treaties and human rights and stuff. 

Even with Obama's threat, Assad used the weapons anyway.

Clearly he doesn't take your little American military seriously.


So Obama went on a campaign to gather military support from other countries. It didn't go that well.

Two weekends ago it looked like we were definitely going to strike Syria, but instead we just talked shit about them on TV.

Perhaps Obama got cold feet because Russia is on Assad's side, and everyone's listening to Russia now.

Naturally, Iran is on Assad's team.

Great Britain is supposed to be our biggest ally, but they already voted against getting involved.

Whatever, we still have the French.

Now Obama is asking Congress to vote on military action.

This is good because Congress really doesn't want to go to war either.

Still, Obama says we have to stop Assad because if we don't, the rest of the world will think it's okay to gas their own people too.

Now Russia is also asking that Assad hand over his weapons diplomatically. He says he will, because pretty much no one wants another war.

To be continued...




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