September 25, 2014
Lindsay Lohan made a fool of herself during an interview - I know you're shocked. I'm about as surprised as I was when she was arrested for the third time. LiLo is calling for a Mean Girls Sequel. Yo Linds, there already was a sequel made. That being said, you can hardly call that waste of 2 hours, ABC family piece of shit a sequel to the gospel. Maybe, if I take the generous view, Lindsay was throwing hella shade at that "movie" - if you can even call it that.
My problem with Lindsay's interview is not that she proposed a sequel. My problem is that her ideas about what the sequel should be about are one of the most pathetic attempts at creativity the world has ever known. It's sort of like if the Ancient Egyptians, after building the pyramids, decided their next big project would be a medium sized square. Lindsay's idea is, "an older version where they're all housewives and they're all cheating." That already exists - it's called the Real Housewives. We get it Linds, you're a little out of date because you were in rehab for practically a century, but come the fuck on. Keep up! She later went on to justify her piece of shit idea, "That would be really funny. I'll harass Tina to write it." It would be the oppostie of really funny. It would be like watching Gigli on repeat for the rest of your life. Also, what the fuck does she mean by does "harass" Tina?? I have a feeling that means something like roofie her and keep her in a cage until she writes the sequel. Start praying for Tina Fey right now betches. I'm so so sorry Tina, what did you do in a past life to deserve being harassed by a cracked out ginger barbie??
Tina's a smart woman though (see Date Night's blooper reel), she would never deface herself or betches by placating Ms. Lohan. It's the type of ridiculous idea that only someone whose mind is riddled by hallucinogens could find compelling. Oprah, I'm calling on you to stop the madness.