June 24, 2013
According to some close sources, Kim and Kanye didn't name their kid North West because they wanted her to be the next Magellan, surprisingly. They chose the name based on the deeper meaning behind the word "North." And that meaning is about as deep as my shot glass. They said that "North is a metaphor for the word 'up'...and what's north of north? Nothing" aka "nothing better." Two things: One, that's not a fucking metaphor. Two, when I think of the word up I think of a grandpa with thick glasses and a bunch of multicolored balloons. Then again, we feel a little bad for this kid. Her parents are Kim Kardashian and a man who calls himself Yeezus. We're afraid that soon enough the only thing that'll be going North of North is a little arrogance and a lot of coke.