Meet the New Ridiculous Housewives of Beverly Hills

By The Betches

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills starts season 4 tonight and we hear there are some new housewives on the cul-de-sac. One's name is Carlton Gebbia, and she is a practicing Wiccan. The other's name is Joyce Giraud de Ohoven, and no she is not a countess and her extremely European last name does not buy her class.

Let's start with the witch totally legitimately practicing Wiccan aka Carlton Gebbia.

Here's an excerpt from her interview on the Bravo website:

Have you become close to any of the women?
I have. Definitely Lisa [Vanderpump] and Yolanda [Foster] and also Brandi [Glanville], I have to say. I mean, I never really got the opportunity to bond with Kim [Richards]. And [new housewife] Joyce [Giraud] and I had a few bumps along the way, but we ended off on a good note as well.

Translation: She's probably on the good team this season. Kim was on Witch Mountain with her "breath spray" and cocaine, and the producers made sure that the two new cast members hated each other. Oh how I can't wait to see how Joyce acts like an insufferable asshole and almost everyone gangs up on her a la Camille season 1. I'm saying this without even watching any previews or knowing anything about Joyce....HELLO, JOYCE!?!?

Now about that witch rumor/ratings bait. Is she a good witch or a bad witch? Something tells me that Carlton's Wiccan paraphernelia is going to be the Yolanda's lemons of season 4. She is also currently writing a horror script. I can't with this. Here are some excerpts from her Bravo interview.

You're also a follower of the Wiccan faith. Can you talk a little bit about it?
I’m considered a sole practitioner. I am Celtic as far as my ancestry is concerned. My grandmother was a pagan but she also practiced witchcraft, which is what I do. So, if you’re going to put a word on it, I would be considered a Celtic pagan witch....

How did you get into it?
What I’ve always practiced my whole life was from an early, early age. I didn’t do all the studying and reading, I just knew what worked for me and it worked very, very well. You know, I was always drawn to nature and animals and I just had an affinity for the moon....

How do you practice?

I use crystals, candles, some herbs and I recognize holy days. I use the moon a lot. The new moon is probably one of the most powerful times for me. But I recognize all the phases of the moon which is the new, waxing, full, waning and sometimes the dark moon....

Finally some diversity on this show! Apparently having Scandinavian Yolanda and British Lisa weren't cutting it. In addition to witchcraft, she also doesn't really believe in clothes.

Now here's Joyce. This girl is your pageant queen prototype. Literally she helped created the Queen of the Universe beauty pageant. Also she's from Puerto Rico, yay more diversity! So basically what I'm gathering is that Beverly Hills has been overtaken by foreigners.

SPOILER?: In addition to being Puerto Rican and starting beauty pageants, Joyce also will tell Brandi that she needs rehab, which is why I assume everyone will gang up on her, as they tend to do when someone tells the truth. But don't believe me, believe Radar Online, the official mouthpiece of Beverly Hills. Stay tuned.




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