Meghan Trainor Cancels Tour, Thank God

By Sabrina the Teenage Betch

Yesterday Meghan Trainor announced that she’s cancelling the remainder of her tour. She told fans via Instagram, “I was being careful and taking precautions, but I have hemorrhaged my vocal cord again. I got bronchitis & have been coughing a lot & that pushed it over the edge. Sadly, I will need to cancel the remainder of my tour and get surgery to finally fix this once and for all. I am devastated, scared, and so sorry.” Sorry? Girl, no need.




A photo posted by Meghan Trainor (@meghan_trainor) on


Nothing good can come from a stadium full of Meghan Trainor fans in one place, and I’d now like to address all of the ticket holders directly, being that they are a confused bunch:

This cancellation was clearly an act of God telling you to wake the fuck up and get a hold of yourself. You actually bought tickets for “The M Train”? You got through five pages of Ticketmaster confirmations without realizing something was seriously wrong? This is an issue, and I strongly recommend you take the three hours you would’ve spent at the concert and instead use them to reevaluate your recent choices.

Like, what happened to make you think, “Hm, my life hasn’t been shitty enough lately. Let me pay money to watch Meghan Trainor lip sync about her body issues.” And why do you hate yourself enough to voluntarily endure that many variations of skater skirt? Were you going to bring a friend? Did you even consider how much they would resent you based on the PTSD from the Lips Are Movin’ encore alone?

Now you’re beginning to see what a reckless decision this was. But the good news is, you got lucky this time. Just don’t make the same mistake again, because Meghan says she’s “determined to do what it takes to get better and come back around stronger than ever,” which TBH is just terrifying.





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