May 6, 2014
I can't believe the Met Gala is back already. My vision is still kinda fucked up from last year's giant floral kaleidoscope that was Kimberly Noelle Kardashian-Humphries-West. Ahh, what a year it's been. Anna Wintour set the theme as “White Ties and Decorations" in honor of American designer Charles James. A very strict dress-code was sent out that was obviously going to be broken, but hoped, at the very least, to prevent anyone from wearing an outfit that would reveal they were wearing nipple rings underneath it. (Spoiler alert: that failed.)
OK, nerd. This is, like, 234958 times worse than all those people you had to de-friend on Facebook after they posted, "May the Fourth" be with you.
Kate, we get it, you're skinny. Now get out of the way we're trying to see RiRi!!
"Rihanna wore a crop top to the Met Gala, so I wore a crop top to the Met Gala" - Anne Hathaway, Cara Delevigne, Anna Kendrick (in her annoying, modest way), Emma Stone, and Gabrielle Union.
Chloe Sevigny is that girl who took the wrong drugs at the pre-game. She's probably just waking up now on a park bench, her face covered with drawn-on Sharpie penises.
Finding it only possible to break character enough to actually put clothes on, Lena Dunham paid 25K to look like Uncle Fester in drag. If this is the voice of my generation, someone take me outside and put me out of my misery.
If I ever have to say something nice about Anne Hathaway, I drink an entire bottle of tequila and a down bottle full of sleeping pills. The ambulance I called is on the way, so let me make this quick: Cool outfit, Anne.
Beyonce is so perfect she wrote all of her own descriptors: Bow Down Bitches, Flawless, I Woke Up Like This, Who Run The World? Remember the last time Beyonce was seen in a veil ...Partition? That's obv why they were so late to the Met Gala... I mean, I think it was GREAT she was late! Please, don't take me.
This slutty selfie of Kate getting blackout before the Met Gala explains a lot about her being blacked out at the Met Gala. She looks like she's about to fuck a goat, or whatever.
Solange has made her living being indie, hip, different, cool; whichever complimentary adjective you feel like using for someone who is relatively unattractive. However, the Met Gala was a low point for Solange who wore a hand-me-down from Beyonce's Sophomore year of Prom. That's how far behind Solange is, who solidified on this night, that, yes, it is the worst to be Solange.
Selena, you had to look better than your ex-BFF Kendall and I mean, you looked alright.
Yes, Queen, yes. How you turned your life around from the first winner of Paris' My New BFF to a legitimate fashion force we will never know, but my God did you do a fantastic job. Last year you went all Nightmare Before Christmas and we were so down. Again your creepy little features make me shriek in excitement. The purple hair, the silver dress, I can’t--too perfect.
I wanted to see you win, Chrissy Teigen. You got your Sports Illustrated Cover, your Cosmo Cover, you're kinda funny sometimes on Twitter. Now you look like you've taken a page out of Alex Mack's book and are ready to escape at any moment by morphing into a silver puddle. You really let me down.
Lupita, dressed here by Lenny Kravitz in the Hunger Games. At first I was like OMGsh Lupita, so cool. Then whatever magic powers she found in the rainforest while piecing together this dress wore off, and I was like, Lupita? You in there? Luckily she wore a net that I could search through to find small coins, batteries and this disgusting look. Lupita, the girl who was bested by her own expectations.
Cooper got jealous of the success Hangover co-star Zach Galifinakis was enjoying.
I don't hate you because you're fat, you’re fat because you’re wearing a dress that makes you look like you just scarfed down three foot longs. After entering the conscious of mainstream America as the hottest woman in the world in Wolf of Wall Street, Margot Robbie has spent every subsequent appearance trying to make us forget that she's good looking.
AHHHHHHHH!! This is the eeriest duo in the world. Why don’t they solely take roles as being the creepy twins in all those horror movies and wear this. These two look like the twins from The Shining grew up.
Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday after the makeover.
Is that you Carrie? It's me, 2004. While she looks totally glam, we're positive she's in the midst of a total identity crisis with, well, herself. Like this could've been her wedding dress in SATC in which she beats Big
to death slightly with some flowers.
Kristen Stewart dressed like a bird for the Met Gala and was all smiles after emerging from the rainforest underneath Lupita's dress.
Emma Stone, you are so totally adorable and super cute and I totally voted for you as Met Spring Fling Queen along with Andrew Garfield, playing the role of Aaron Samuels.
You impress me much. Could they look any hotter? Like both of their dresses are casually kind of slutty but you would never realize because of their sheer perfection.
Cara in the pantsuit, Hilary Rodham Clinton better watch her back.