February 23, 2015
Michael Phelps got engaged this weekend to a beauty pageant queen. I didn't even know he was in a relationship, so his PR team really needs to step up their game. She didn't bail after his first or second DUI, which means it's true love. No word yet on how Ryan Lochte will try to one-up Michael's engagement.
They should use his melted gold medals as the wedding bands. I really hope Michael comes out of retirement for the Rio Olympics, so that we can watch her lose her shit cheering with his mom.