December 5, 2013
Feeling fat girls? Microsoft is here to help. Researchers at Msoft have apparently created a “Smart Bra” that tracks your emotional moods and tells you to stop eating. That’s right, instead of your mom telling you you’re looking a little bottom heavy when you come home from an intense drinking semester at school, your bra can now do the same thing every day!! How fun.
The best part of this new technology is that it connects to your iPhone. So anytime it senses you're craving a delicious “high calorie comfort food such as a doughnut,” as researchers claim women simply can’t resist, a message will flash on your phone saying STAY AWAY FROM THE FRIDGE, FATASS. I love it already.
Surprisingly Microsoft says it has no intention of selling this bra. We have a sneaking suspicion that's due to the fact that the bra needs to be recharged every 3-4 hours. I’m sort of upset about this because it could have been the perfect excuse to leave during a date to text your friends. Instead of being like I have to go to the bathroom you can be like Do you mind holding on for a little, sorry I have to go charge my bra. It’s amazing, not only do you have ample time to text every one you know about how your date is going but he also won't be wondering whether or not you're taking giant shit.