July 2, 2014
Does this title even surprise anyone? If it read “Miley Cyrus behaves appropriately on social media” you probably wouldn’t even read this article because it would bore you more than a Nicholas Cage movie.
If you’re one of the 10 million followers of Miley on insta, you have probably noticed that she’s been blowing Instagram up like it’s her god damn job. Miley can barely take a shit without posting it online and putting a fucking rainbow and sad kitty emoji to caption it. She also is a big fan of misspelling shit for edginess purposes. Nothing says “I don’t give a shit” like putting a “z” instead of an “s” at the end of a word. No fuckzzzzzz given, right Miley?
Miley’s Instagram defies all rules of being betchy on social media. For instance, the cardinal rule of selfies (“thou shalt not post more than one selfie per day” direct quote from God to Moses) was completely trashed when Hannah Montana posted about 8 selfies in 40 minutes. But every Mean Girl knows those rules aren’t even real, except for that day you wore a vest.
Like I said, when it comes to the amount of photos she posts, the limit does not exist. Miley posts about 10 photos a day, if not more. So she actually gave this betch a decent amount of material to choose from. After extensive research, I’ve come to the conclusion that Miley posts a lot of the same pictures. And since I just organized my closet yesterday and am still in OCD mode, I decided to place them in small groups. Normally, betches like to post a variety of things on the gram, but Miley is a betch no matter what she does. I guess getting the best of both worlds never truly ends.
DISCLAIMER: for maximum viewing pleasure, play “Nobody’s Perfect” by Hannah Montana, for irony purposes.
Everyone and their mom knows that Miley is obsessed with animals. Especially her #95 little dog Floyd (RIP). Last week she showed the world her shrine to the pup, which oddly brought us back memories of Helga Pataki’s shrine to Arnold. Look I’m a huge bitch, but I’m not going to make a snide comment about a dead dog, that’s cruel even on my standards. Miley might as well change her insta name to Eliza Thornberry, cause she pretty much lives in the goddamn animal kingdom.
And she still gets a 100,000 likes.
We can’t figure out if Miley is constantly at weird themed parties, or just hangs out with crazy people who wear pieces of disco balls on their nipples on the reg. Either way she doesn’t give a fuck, and looks like she’s having a way better time than Selena Gomez (who just posts pictures of herself with Spanish captions), just sayin.
Okay I totally had a folder with this design on it in fourth grade. As you can see, Miley’s really into the “stickers” on her pictures. My 8 year old cousin and her have that in common.
It’s a Mexican drinking worm. It’s like a Native American symbol meaning wasted.
What a nice betch, posting about her family on the reg. She’s constantly posting pictures of her cool mom and her little sister. Notice how she never posts pictures of good ole Billy Ray though? She’s probs just as embarrassed as the rest of the world is for him regarding his poor fashion taste and his previous mullet. Sure, the mullet is gone now but still. If watching “Superbad” taught us one thing, it’s that you can piss your pants 8 years ago/have a mullet, and people don’t forget.
Does Miley even do those anymore? That bitch could be in Vogue and her tongue would be out, and her eyes would be crossed. We’d still buy that issue over the Kimye issue.
You wanna see a bunch of celebs hug and hold hands and bake a cake full of rainbows and eat from it like they did in middle school? Take your sorry ass to Taylor Swift’s Instagram. Miley ain’t got time for that shit. Miley loves not branching out, which is why we love her.