February 5, 2015
This most recent honoree of the coveted Betch of the Week title should come as no surprise to anyone who was alive in the early 2000’s and watched the Superbowl. Obv it’s Missy Elliott. Although most betches are not universally loved, everyone’s reaction to her Superbowl performance proved that it is possible to be a betch and to also be well-liked (however for us mere mortals this isn’t something I recommend, as it takes a whole lot of effort).
Betches are pros at killing shit, and Missy just happened to kill her performance in a little old production called the Superbowl Halftime Show. And as we all know this wasn’t even technically her halftime show. What a show-stealing betch. Meanwhile, Missy hasn’t even put out a song since I was like, a sophomore in high school (if that) while Katy Perry has to show up to awards shows in matching Canadian tuxedos with Riff Raff in order to stay relevant. Yawn. Although I must give props to Katy Perry where props are due for giving us the best 3 minutes of the entire Super Bowl (yes, even counting the end of the game), and for all of her awkward dancing.
A little bit of life history: before the introductory beats of Work It and Get Your Freak On sent you and all your besties running to the center of the dance floor, Missy was a true OG. She has five Grammys under her belt (which is hopefully five more than Iggy will win this year, fingers crossed), and is the only female rapper to have six platinum albums. She helped pave the way for other rap betches (cough Nicki) and for that we’re eternally grateful. Also I’m pretty sure that if not for Missy, Ciara would still be dating Bow Wow, but that’s just my expert opinion.
But enough about other artists. I hope that if Missy has learned anything from the Superbowl experience, it’s that she really needs to come out of retirement and release another album. Or even re-release an old album, I don’t even care. I’m begging you Missy, before you go back into hiding for another decade ask yourself: is it worth it? Lemme work it. I put my thing down, flip in ‘n reverse it.