January 15, 2015
No one has talked about Jamie Lynn Spears since she got pregnant and ruined Zoey 101 for everybody else, so honestly this was long overdue.
You know how it goes: it's late at night, you're the little sister of an international pop star, and you're hanging out in a Pita Pit in Louisiana. A regular Tuesday. But then, some drunk guys start a fight with your friend. What are you to do? Call the police? Try to use logic and reason to solve the conflict? Fuck no. There's a family name to uphold here.
Jamie Lynn opted to, instead, casually stroll behind the counter, have a quick convo with the employee (probably something along the lines of "thanks for not charging extra for avocado, I'll be sure to send you a personalized key necklace"), and come back to the scene of the fight wielding a 7-inch long bread knife. PCA taught her well.
Obviously everyone backed down after that because Jamie Lynn Spears probably has zero qualms about shivving you with a pita pit knife like she's auditioning for Orange is the New Black. Actually, someone should probably send the security footage into Netflix just in case. Even Jamie would be better to watch than Larry.