The Most Influential People List: Betch Edition

By The Betches

Apparently every year Time Magazine comes out with their list of the top 100 most influential people, so after going through all 100 and finding the major oversight which was us not being on this list, we decided to make our own. To be honest 100 people is way too many and we hadn't even heard of half of Time's people. Besides, how exclusive is it really to make a list with ONE HUNDRED people? So with that, our way more exclusive list of most influential people for 2013.

Beyonce & Jay-Z

As a power couple these two are like the President and First Lady of celebrities. Between Beyonce's Super Bowl show and super weird HBO documentary and Jay-Z's being married to Beyonce, these two had a classy as fuck year. If you doubt their influence over everything, these bitches even got to go to Cuba.

Kate Middleton

Besides her naked pics scandal we haven't heard much from Kate Middleton but we guarantee once the royal baby pops out it'll get more coverage than Mitt Romney's binders full of women.

Chris Christie

The only fat bro we'd ever give the time of day but only because he's unintentionally funny as fuck.

"A" from PLL

If you don't think A deserves a spot on this list, consider the last time you convinced four teenage girls to put themselves in life-threatening situations for like two years straight using only a cell phone and black hoodie. Super influential.

Jennifer Lawrence

She won the Hunger Games, an Oscar, and gave the middle finger to the press. And everyone fucking loved it.

Rebel Wilson

Rebel has officially replaced Adele as our favorite funny fat betch who doesn't give a fuck. Everything she says makes us cry hysterically. WE were going to try crystal meth too but then we thought better not...because she did. 

Amanda Bynes

An inspiration to all BSCBs, Mandy is like a new and improved Lindsay Lohan without the constant court appearances which take up the time she would otherwise use doing crazy shit. She also has the best tweets since Alec Baldwin's Words with Friends shit fit.

Ashley Benson

IDK, her instagram is great I guess. Also, Spring Breakers.

Scott Disick

Walks with a cane by choice. The only British Lord in America. Enough said.

Tiny Fey & Amy Poehler

The only power couple less powerful and less in possession of a marriage certificate than Beyonce and Jay-Z. We feel sorry for whoever hosts the next Golden Globes and will take this opportunity to add that Taylor Swift could've maybe made this list if not for her being totally unchill and unable to take a joke by our girls T and A.

Honey Boo Boo

Honey Boo Boo proved that even if you're a poor fat five year old beauty queen people will still want to dress up as you for Halloween. 

McKayla Maroney

Her high standards for being impressed and superior fuck off face landed her the most well deserved 15 minutes of fame and to be honest we would love it if the phrase 'not impressed' could follow us for life too.

Anderson Cooper

Literally the only good reason to ever consider #2 keeping up with the news. Thank you for coming out, Andy.

Brandi Glanville

Thank you for making 'shut the fuck up' a must-say at all future housewife dinner parties. The haters are just jealous of your best selling book and the fact that your body is as good as Kate Moss' without having to do heroin.

Nolan Ross

If you had invented the whale cam, you would've invented the whale cam

Carrie Mathison's Eyes




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