October 9, 2012
Betches, if you haven’t seen Pitch Perfect it’s time to get off your ass and see the Bring it On of this generation. Swap out Torrence for Brittany Snow, Missy for an alternative pseudo lesbo DJ, and Big Red for Steve Newlin’s annoying wife who is also ten years too old to play this part, and you’ve got yourself a masterpiece. Yes, Pitch Perfect has the songs that make you want to dance, enough self-awareness to know that it’s really gay, and Rebel Wilson to make you pee in your pants laughing.
Honestly, when someone told us there was a movie out about competing collegiate a capella groups we were like, I’d rather eat a white bread sandwich with mayo than watch a movie about those annoying nicegirls who used to sing Come To My Window outside my freshman dorm every Sunday morning. But after seeing this movie, we were left with smiles on our faces, joy in our hearts, and an even greater appreciation for our funny fat friends.
Aubrey: What's your name?
Fat Amy: Fat Amy.
Aubrey: You call yourself Fat Amy?
Fat Amy: Yeah, so twig bitches like you don't do it behind my back.
To quickly recap this plot, Beca is an angry DJ being forced to go to a made up college where she meets the love of her life, Jesse who shares her passion of outdated records and talking about herself. They then share an almost too cliché moment to handle while watching the last scene of The Breakfast Club when Beca thinks, Hey, I could really let my guard down and be with this Maybe Gay Bro. She also joins the Bellas who, in order to compete against the way better Treble Makers, decide to take in some ugly fatties and thus form the best group ever. Yayyy diversity!
Things that cannot go unmentioned:
Beca's dad was super annoying - just because you work at my school doesn't mean you can come into my dorm, read my diary, and wear my clothes.
Speaking of her dorm, it was like, unreasonably nice.
Another thing Beca, no one goes to college and sits on the quad and makes remixes to songs that were on the radio a month ago. Yes this also includes the shower and Titanium.
Fat Amy (when the quiet creepy Asian girl says something a little bit louder than a whisper): Shut up bitch, you don't have to shout.
Jesse, aka Skylar Astin, aka Skylar Lipstein, totally had a cameo in Girls and is casually a hotter version of Andy Samberg... and we liked it. But who are you kidding with a stage name like Astin, you look more Jewish than Larry David.
I feel like they never resolved Anna Camp's vomiting issue, like why did she just randomly projectile vomit yellow? Was she bulimic? Did bananas just not sit well with her? You see what we mean?
So to sum up this gem of a movie, Anna Camp is annoying, Anna Kendrick channels the opposite of her Up in The Air overachieving character, and a soft spoken Asian says some scary ass shit. All in all, there were few things not to love about Pitch Perfect. If cheerleaders are dancers gone retarded then Pitch Perfect features singers gone more homosexual than the majority of the cast of Glee. Crushed it.