April 17, 2015
Panic may be settling in for betches about to graduate from college.
The best four years of your life is basically coming to a screeching halt, and you’ll probably have to pretend to be a grown up at least some of the time pretty soon. You probably need a bottle of wine or ten to deal with the stresses of post-grad life. One of those stresses might even be having to move back home or to your home town after graduation. Yikes.
Whether you got a job in the city that made you or you’re just taking some time off before law school or actually looking for a job somewhere else, there are a few steps to take to make sure your time back home isn’t the literal worst, even though it may be close:
Just like having a Christmas vacation, spring break, or graduation to look forward to got you through college month by month, giving yourself an out-date to look forward to will definitely make your time at home seem shorter. You have a contract with a company? Cool. Stay your required year or whatever and then plan on bouncing as soon as you can. Waiting around to find a job? That’s fine too, just set a “get out or else” date and try to be employed and leaving by the time you set as your goal. When things seem totally miserable you can just rest assured you’re totally leaving soon and not going to be stuck forever in whatever hell hole your parents decided to raise you in.
Things back home probably changed a little bit in the 4+ years you were away. Use that to your advantage. If you lost touch with your friends from high school who are still living in your hometown, e.g. never left, take that as a sign that you’ve definitely moved on, at least emotionally. Nothing will suck you back in to annoying hometown/old high school drama like the people who live it every day. So try your damnedest to make new and better friends. People you didn’t know before who also left for college and then came back are in the same miserable boat you are in so you can commiserate with them. Also, newbies to your town who feel stuck as well and are definitely planning on moving also want someone totally not lame to hang out with. You could be that person.
The best thing about moving home is having good old mom and dad to support you emotionally and, more importantly, financially. If you don’t have a job, great! Mom and dad are there to provide shelter, food and fine leather goods. If you do have a job, it’s basically like having a double income. They can pay your expenses while you pocket the cash. If you can’t stand living at home just take advantage of your parent’s kindness. You can probably sneak in on some free meals and borrow the housekeeper to do your laundry. Your parents probably won’t even mind since they’ve missed you so much over the past few years. Even though this situation is a pretty sweet set up, don’t let this trick you into wanting to stay. There’s nothing more pathetic than the betch who can’t move on or away from mommy and daddy.
People in boring towns want someone interesting to talk to and about like people in hell want ice water. You're probably the best thing to happen to that place in quite some time, so soak it up. Accept all the freebies and hand outs you can. Your parent's country club friends will definitely offer to buy you drinks and set you up with their hot doctor son when he's in town. Sure, why not? Being drunk is a great coping mechanism, especially if the drinks are free.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, just don't forget to open your eyes. Isolating yourself in BFE with your family and random townies can warp your perception and also make you forget that there's a whole world out there waiting for you to bless it with your presence. Though Facebook and Insta might give you serious FOMO about the things your friends in real cities are doing, keep your head up. Get out as much as possible. Weekend trips and planning awesome vacations will save your sanity. Meet up with your college friends and live vicariously through them, and then be delighted to hear them complain about their high rent and poor living standard. You might be stuck at home, but at least your bed has sheets.