April 16, 2014
There is this pro on my campus who is actually perfect for me. He's smart, attractive, and probably going to be like, really fucking rich. However, we also work together on a variety of business projects. I was going to wait for him to make a move on me at like, a party or something (because who WOULDN'T make a move on me) but instead accidentally confessed all my feelings over facebook chat VERY drunkenly one night. All he kept saying is for me to just calm down and breathe, and he didn't answer my last message which was "so yeah I guess this is weird". What do I do? Do I try to apologize and take it back? Do I avoid mixers with his frat? How can I control my drunken pile of emotions in the future?
Drunk In Love
Dear Drunk In Love,
Well, apparently he wouldn’t make a move on you, that’s who. It’s awfully odd that you’re so obsessed with this guy you’ve heretofore only admired from afar and in “professional” settings (is that you, Katie Heaney?). Like, the dude has obviously had ample opportunity to hit on you, up to and including during your drunken Facebook convo. I’m assuming he was drunk too, unless you were chatting at like 9 am, in which case I think I see your problem (it’s alcoholism).
Anyway, I would advise doing both of the things you suggested. You don’t have to “apologize,” per se, but since you have to see him again definitely just suck it up and get it out there. Say something like “whoops, sorry if that got weird but I was shitfaced and in my defense you are a pretty righteous bro.” Nothing emotional or overly flattering, just something funny to spin it off. And then yeah, avoid his frat mixers for a while. Staying out of sight (at least socially) is the best way to help him forget.
Dear Head Pro,
I’ve recently started going on dates with this guy who is completely new to me but so far things are going pretty great. I decided to tell my guy best friend (of three years) the good news while we were texting one night and he spontaneously expressed his love for me - through multiple lengthy texts - and said how jealous my new fling makes him. He never admitted until then that he had any interest in me whatsoever and I think it’s suspicious that he only did so once I told him I’ve been seeing someone else. Like he only wants what he can’t have. I’ve had feelings on and off for my guy best friend for a couple years now (and sort of suspected that he felt the same) but I had basically given up on the idea of becoming more with him since neither of us had ever expressed these feelings to one another.
Anyways, he told me to just go on as usual with seeing where it goes with this new guy and he said that he doesn’t want to get in the way, but now I feel like everything has become more complicated and I’m not sure what to do next. How can I find out if my guy best friend is genuinely interested in something more with me, or if he is just being a jealous baby at the moment?
Dear Perplexed Betch,
Great, this again. Let’s rehash: You do not have a best guy friend of three years. You have a would-be suitor who was too chicken to do anything, who you also happened to share feelings for as well. That is not even remotely close to a “friend.” He was fine biding his time when you were either single or dating someone he knew, and you were fine because he was there exactly as much as you needed him. You need to put the lipstick down, step away from the pig and see this for what this is.
Now that things have changed, shit has hit the fan. A completely new guy threatens to take you further away from him, and he doesn’t like it. Instead of doing the (barely) responsible thing and waiting until you were single to fess up, he panics and spills it all as soon as he gets scared. Vom. You don’t need to “find out” if this guy is really interested in you; he said himself that he has been all along. A catalyst like the new guy only shows that he’s really pretty spineless when it comes to manning up and putting himself out there.
You can’t maintain the status quo with this new information, because something has to give. Nothing will be the same, and by same I mean the charade you were both living with for three years. You have to decide who you want to date and distance yourself from the other person. Given that one option spent three years pretending to date you and the other one actually went ahead and made it happen immediately, I think you know which way to go.