May 14, 2013
Dear Head Pro,
I hate my bf when he is drunk. Ok so it's not as scary as it sounds, he doesn't beat me or get really mean when he drinks. When we drink together it's a grand ole time. But my problem is that when I am sober or playing catch up to him he annoys me so much I get in a terrible mood and cannot have a fun time. And this isn't the annoyed that he is having more fun than me it's the annoyed where I cannot stand the sound of his voice, he says stupid shit, and worst of all pulls me around, squeezes me and thinks that when I am whimpering and whining to stop that I am playing along. I have tried to get away from him in these circumstances by dipping through crowds and just talking to my friends. But he gets upset and thinks I'm trying to ditch him (which is true I guess). I suck at drinking now so getting wasted quickly on my own before him is not an option.
Do both of us have major drinking issues? Do I subconsciously hate my boyfriend? I should also probably mention I'm def a UGH but out of college now so why can't I go hard with my boyfriend and friends as members of society?
Adulthood brings with it untold pleasures. You can smoke cigarettes, get sanctimonious about Chick Fil A sandwiches, rent pornographic movies, and, once you’re 21, drink in public. One of the downsides of growing up, one that no one ever tells you about, is the realization that everyone is fucking terrible when they are drunk and you are not. It’s a fact of life. Drinking, while fun, makes us absolutely retarded, literally impeding our mental faculties. That’s why people usually do it socially in places specifically designed for that purpose instead of, say, at the dentist’s office. Your boyfriend doesn’t sound like anything malicious, just a drunk bro.
Still, you have a right to at least some consideration when you’re out with him, so that’s unfortunately a conversation you’ll have to have with him sober. Letting him know that he’s really disrespectful when he’s drunk might be all you need. I wouldn’t worry too much about being a UGH. To me, that’s more about mentality than it is function. When we grow up, all of us become UGH’s to some degree. Life just gets in the way. It’s good that you’re still down to go out, even if you’re not as blackout as everyone around you. Just keep in mind that, depending on how much going out factors into who he is, you may have simply outgrown your boyfriend. Change might be good for his health and general wellbeing, but that’s usually something that has to happen naturally. If you consistently find yourself being a dud when you’re out, it may be time to find some new friends that are more on your level.
I started dating this bro two years ago. As time went on and we both went our separate ways (aka home after college), our "relationship" turned into a casual, see each other when we can thing. When I started grad school, we lived closer so we hung out pretty frequently, but it was basically a friends with benefits situation. I obviously cared about this bro more than he did me, and he kinda started to treat me like shit, so I decided to cut it off a few months ago. He didn't do much to stop it, but we are civil and I am still friends with his friends, but him and I talk pretty infrequently.
Anyway, I had a recent totally random run in one afternoon with one of his roommates. I had met him several times and we've only casually spoken, but we both were done with what we needed to do so we decided to get drinks. Drinks turned into more drinks, dinner, walking around the city... spending the whole day/night together. We totally hit it off. We since have been texting here and there, and met up for drinks once after. We kissed but that's it. We've made plans to hang out again.
They are two totally different people as far as I can see, and they don't really hang out or anything other than at the house or with a group. But still, do you think this is totally wrong? I also don't even know if my "ex" knows, and if I should even ask. What do you think? I do kind of like the kid… we get along really well and I'd like to see where it goes. But then I wonder if he has any preconceived notions about me because of my relationship with his roommate (aka does he think I’m going to casually fuck him). I keep telling myself to do whatever will make me happy... but I just don't know if I should keep doing what I'm doing or quit while I'm ahead. Thoughts?
Can't think of a clever name
I don’t really see the issue, apart from the two of them living together. That could potentially make things awkward as fuck, though an easy solution is to just not stay at his place until things are a little more steady and serious. Guys tend to take issue with their friends dating girls they considered their great loves or with whom they had an otherwise tumultuous relationship, but that’s about it. An on-again, off-again FWB-type situation that started two years ago and ended for good several months ago? Unless the guy’s incredibly insecure or whatever, he shouldn’t have much of an issue. We get jealous over the people we love, not so much over the people we used to fuck. In this situation, a guy’s mentality is usually “Good for him. I hit it first.”
I’m not sure why you’re so worried about “preconceived notions.” What, do you think that if your ex tells the new guy that you like a finger in your butt during sex that you’ll somehow be powerless to prevent that from happening? Are you afraid that, upon learning that you’ve in the past been down with a FWB situation, your new bro will transform from a well-meaning gentleman into some kind of sex fiend? The way I see it, if that were to happen, your ex basically did you a favor, because you would have found out that the guy sucked eventually. Stop overthinking it, and just do whatever feels natural.