My Friend DGAF That She's a Homewrecker - Ask A Pro

By The Head Pro

Email your questions for Head Pro to [email protected]. You should also follow his new(ish) Instagram account at @betchesheadpro. He's just as upset about their nipple policy as you are, but for different reasons.


Dear Head Pro,

I recently got out of a relationship that lasted a little over a year. I am trying to move on by spending time with friends and family/working out/ staying busy but haven't been interested in dating yet.  A mutual friend has been sending subtle hints that he wants to hook up.  he's a nice guy but can be really cocky and also has a history of being a player. I was told in order to move on you should say yes to anyone who asks you out, but when do you draw that line? Should a player be your rebound?

Well, who told you that to move on, you should say yes to “anyone” who asks you out? Because that’s crazy talk. What if you got asked out by Bill Cosby, or one of Miley Cyrus’ dead petz, or the Weeknd’s hair? That notion aside, I’m not completely sold on the old “to get over someone, you have to get under someone else” mantra. Fucking someone just to fuck them isn’t without merit, but there are pros and cons. Here, I made you a chart:

So, yeah - there are two sides to every coin, and of course everyone’s personal list is going to look a little different. What confuses me about the whole “fuck a rando” thing, though, is that if you just got out of a relationship and are feeling a little lost, it ain’t his dick you’re missing. You can find those, anywhere. You can even buy fake ones. What you can’t find so easily is someone who doesn’t care if you wear the same sweatpants three nights in a row and will not-so-patiently explain to you what’s happening in the movie because you were busy looking at handbag sales on your iPad. When someone becomes a major part of your life, they become a part of you - that’s what makes breakups so tough, and that’s the void you’re searching to fill when you’re newly single. Fucking someone for the sake of fucking them may patch the hole for a night or so, but it’s ultimately a band aid.

If you want to bang this dude (whether he’s a player or not makes no difference) because he’s hot and you’ve had itchy britches since your relationship ended, by all means go for it. Just don’t expect to magically roll out of his bed and have forgotten your relationship ever happened.

Dear Head Pro,

My story starts with a flashback of junior year (high school) homecoming when my “best friend” hooked up w my date when my date and I clearly liked each other but she sluttily made a move (everyone was a drunk mess so whatevs, it’s obviously in the past). But it’s one of the first in a pattern of hook ups where my friend DOES NOT CARE if she’s a homewrecker.

Throughout the rest of high school/college it seems like she almost prefers guys w girlfriends and then justifies it like 'oh whatever I mean he’s the bad person for cheating on his girlfriend'. I always tell her it’s a two way street, and she laughs it off then searches for my approval being like whatever I’m not a horrible person right??? Waiting for me to say it’s your life- do what you want. Which I usually do, but this sitch is fresh for me and I’m frustrated with her trying to justify hooking up with guys that are taken (I’ve never cheated on somebody/knowingly been cheated on, if you were wondering), and we’re 23 years old.

There’s a dude that’s 2 years older than us and went to our high school. The two of them have been effing once a year for the past 4 ish years but now the dude is ENGAGED and still hitting her up to hang out (I mean I get it, this is totally reflected poorly on his character, I think he’s gross and clearly a POS anyway) but she’s down and overall I'm just trying to instill some compassion in this girl because I think it's either a- going to somehow get her in a bad situation down the road , or b- fuck her up even more psychologically.

Do I let bygones be bygones?

Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t a lack of empathy, a manipulative personality and an uncanny ability to disassociate themselves from their actions (“I didn’t do anything bad, he’s the one who cheated!”) parts of what make someone a psychopath? I’m obviously no doctor, but I’m just saying. The hard part about having a friend in this situation is that while you’re not obligated to do anything, you obviously want something to change for the sake of your own conscience/sanity.

It can’t be emphasized enough that, yes, these men are responsible for their choices. That said, at the risk of falling into the whole “seductress” trope that people use to blame women for all kinds of shit, at some point a rational person can’t ignore their role in the matter. I mean, everyone in Jonestown chose to off themselves, but no one would say that ole Jim himself wasn’t a huge influence. That’s obviously an extreme example and not a direct parallel, but if your BSCB friend is somehow denying her involvement, she’s kidding herself. Some people are more manipulative than others, and some people are more easily manipulated (your drunk, teenage homecoming date?).

The point is that yes, your friend is being a bad person, and you should tell her when she asks. How she reacts should tell you a lot. If she does some soul-searching, fine - in that case, maybe she seeks out easily manipulated (or just scumbag), spoken-for men because she wants the trappings of a relationship without the drama and/or mentally can’t handle one. If she laughs it off or somehow tries to make you seem like the bad one (more manipulation!), then she may be fucking crazy, and you should find a new friend.

Email your questions for Head Pro to [email protected]. You should also follow his new(ish) Instagram account at @betchesheadpro. He's just as upset about their nipple policy as you are, but for different reasons.




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