February 10, 2014
Dear Gay Guys,
So I am coming to you because I am in a predicament similar to the betch that had recently posted about her love triangle. But, I believe I am in a even more ridiculous situation, my GBFF wants to bang this bro. Fine, dandy, I met said bro and chilled with them together a couple times. Bro got my number, shadily, and has been texting me since we first met, and we finally hung out for the first time. I asked GBFF to chill with us but he had to work and also was obv irritated that I wanted to chill with the bro. I had alot of fun with bro we cuddled watched movies and drank wine (no sex) but obv the serious prob is that my gbff still wants this -- straight -- bro. So me and my GBFF talked about it and he says hes "okay" with it. Which I know he is just being nice because there isn't really much he can do, BUT I do NOT want to lose my GBFF. Such an awk situation I know but I enjoy spending time with the bro and I guess I am being a little selfish but at the same time, BRO IS STRAIGHT! What do I do. What would you want your friend to do if you wanted to bang some bro?
Betch that doesn't want to lose her GBFF
Dear Whatever Your Name Is,
Ok so I know that the world and like, Ryan Murphy, love to talk about tribal loyalty amongst the gays, but in this case… just fucking NO.
Tbh, your GBFF sounds a bit delusional. I totally understand finding a straight guy hot, but there are seldom occasions when they actually turn out to be a homez. As far as I can tell, this bro has gone out of his way to get into contact with you. If he wanted to stick his lacrosse stick in your GBFF's Polly Pocket Backyard Playground then he would be messaging him, not you. Like a low fat pita chip, it's plain and simple.
Gay guys falling for their straight friends can happen, and it’s like totally a thing sometimes (see Bobby and Charlie on TOWIE). Just keeping it one hundred though, to actively seek out a straight guy is fucking stupid. I’ve never really been a fan of sadomasochism. I just feel like it’s so 2003, you know? This guy sounds like he’s setting himself up for disappointment and there is nothing more annoying then a queen with a chip in his crown. Obviously, it can be super hard for a gay to navigate a straight social scene. His options are more limited, the majority of those options are generic and nobody wants to date a bartender. Investment Bankers and former college athletes all operate within the boys club, and I don’t mean that in a homoerotic way. There are the closeted guys of course, but like, trying to force one out is just pathetic. Nobody likes a pusher, just look at the sad state of Miss Norbury's life.
Sometimes, we can lose touch with our own realities, so as his friend you should probably just roll a joint and hash it out with him. I would assume and hope that your friend isn’t a mindless idiot and you can just fucking tell it to him how it is. That’s what I would fucking do. Like if you were flirting with a guy and he started sending dick pics to your friend on Grindr, you know that bitch would be foaming at the mouth hole to tell you ASAP. If your friend is a sensitive panz then it's high time for you to cut him lose anyway.
I say, go for it. Bless his little heart, but he’ll get over it.
Such is the world…
The Gay Guy