July 9, 2014
These days I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of girls trying to be models. It is an epidemic that may be even more serious than the tsunami of males trying to be Drake. Apparently hiring a professional photographer or even just setting your digital camera on self-timer paired with 25 filters makes you a model in 2014.
How to Spot a Fake Model on Instagram:
This is because they have no friends to tag. I’m sorry but tagging the photographer in your caption means nothing to us except that you paid this “photographer” (hipster with a Canon) to take this photo of you to add to your “portfolio”…NO ONE is actually hiring you. Tag the brand you’re modeling, so we know it’s real.
Real models actually have lives…hence the appeal of being a model, money and connections. They don’t Instagram themselves every minute of the day. We also all know you only did your hair and makeup this morning for that perfect selfie and now are back in bed laying one with the horizon watching Netflix.
P.S. inserting lyrics from the song “Selfie” as your caption on a selfie pretending to “make fun of it” doesn’t justify your desperate selfie.
This may be my biggest pet peeve and the most common desire of a fake model. Apparently they think it’s really cool to be deemed “weird” these days as well as “nerdy” most likely spurred by Cara Delevingne. They post selfies in glasses or with a Nintendo 64 controller, like hello we all played Mario Kart growing up, you aren’t a “nerd.” You also aren’t “weird” for doing a handstand in a bikini on a beach and making the caption “I tried to be normal once, I didn’t like it.” All this shows us is that you think you have a good body.
If they posed with a doughnut on national doughnut day this is a sure sign of a fake model. Pursed lips with freshly applied lipstick next to your food does not convince us you cheated on your diet of bell peppers and water. I know we are all guilty of eating for the insta, but at least we actually eat it. AND it is a photo of unique looking food it’s not just new angles and filters on PIZZA. I’m sorry but loving pizza is not groundbreaking. Now if you were to say you hate pizza, that’s something I would find interesting, because it is carbs and cheese, which is something everyone adores.
A sure sign of a girl who bought followers is an Instagram account with thousands of followers but pictures with only around 100-200 likes. Yes I know this sounds absurd but it is indeed a real thing.