September 4, 2014
Last week every one and their fucking mother posted pictures of their dog for National Dog Day. Who decides this shit? Is tomorrow going to be National Water Bottle Day and everyone Instagrams their water of choice? Wow you're totally a photographer with that filter on your Poland Spring. NAHT. You're just poor.
We are seriously so over people thinking that by posting pictures of a specific person/object/other dumb thing you are participating in a National Day of some sort. This is pure ridiculous bullshit that is created through the glorification of social media. I’m really happy for you that you love your dog, but your dog will not see the fucking Valencia-filtered picture you posted of him. Be real with yourself and everyone else – you only posted that shit because you look tan and skinny.
Our irritation with this trend has seriously reached a peak and can also be attributed to shit like people posting to Twitter and Instagram for Mother’s and Father’s Day. What ever happened to going out and buying your parents a card for $3.99 and writing some shit in it about how they should be proud they raised the greatest human being to walk this Earth? Your mom does NOT have an Instagram so stop fishing for likes through this pathetic kind of posting.
Even though that kind of shit bothers us to a new level, at least those days are actual calendar holidays. Can anyone actually say they saw National Dog Day on their iCal? No, you fucking didn't. Stop pretending this kind of irrelevant shit exists because honestly we are all tired of you clogging up our Instagram feeds with your sad excuse for 24 likes. Only thing that bothers betches more are weekly selfies. We get it – you think you’re pretty. No one else does, though, considering you need reassurance (in the shape of a few meager likes) on a weekly basis.
So participate in these dumb AF days celebrating every little thing and you will get unfollowed. If you even try getting pissed off at me because you have app that shows you who unfollowed you then I’ll just call you an insecure loser who is probably a sad combination of fat, poor, and easy.
BTW, happy Newspaper Carrier Appreciation Day.