January 14, 2015
Naya Rivera, an actress on Glee who used to be hot until she fell victim to weaponized plastic surgery, went on The View this week, which is apparently still a show. The topic turned, somehow, to showering, because you can talk about whatever the fuck you want on daytime TV because no one of consequence is watching. This is what she had to say:
“I have this theory about showering: Which is I think that white people shower a LOT more than ethnics? I think that, like, showering more than once a day, or every day, is such a white people thing.”
The show’s all-white hosts were shocked, SHOCKED by the allegations, and immediately clutched their pearls at the insinuation that they were somehow more hygienic than non-whites. In a show of sensitivity and understanding, human amoeba Rosie O’Donnell even singled out a black woman in the audience to poll her on her showering habits, as they're clearly representative of the entire non-white community.
Now, sure: Rivera’s word choice is … unfortunate (referring to people as “ethnics” is particularly uncomfortable), and she does the whole “one of my best friends is black” thing when she cites her mixed-race mother as an “ethnic” who showers daily. She claims her white husband, though, showers three times per day, while she herself only showers maybe twice every three days.
Dubious claims with dubious wording and dubious evidentiary support, but: Is she wrong?
Showering is, itself, a very personal thing, and we all have our reasons for why and how often we shower. I work out every day, so I shower every day. I’ve been told that women with particularly thick hair, and some women with relaxers in their hair, try not to shower every day because the moisture fucks with their hair (not to mention the toll daily blow drying and flat-ironing can take). Those people say “I did not get particularly dirty today, and my hair would be better served if I didn’t, so I am not showering.” That is entirely reasonable.
What’s not reasonable, though, is showering MORE than once per day, and you cannot tell me that it’s not something tight-assed white people do. Do some tight-assed “ethnic” people shower way too often as well? I’m sure. But, you know damn well that when you imagine someone who showers before work, after work and before bed, you’re picturing either a construction worker, professional athlete, or Patrick Bateman, complete with tighty whitey underpants.
Showering every day, unless you have a grime-induced reason to do so, is not good. Soap, hot water and your loofa strip your skin of something called the “horny layer” (yes, really), and doing so leaves you susceptible to dryness and disease. Showering doesn’t even kill bacteria, it just moves it around on your skin. If you do happen to use antibacterial shower gel, fuck you for contributing to the growing consortium of “superbugs” resistant to conventional antibiotics.
Naya Rivera may be an idiot, but she’s right about one thing: Showering too much is wack as hell, and almost certainly as white as driven snow and North Face fleeces.