Now that Valentine's Day is over and we can stop brainstorming Insta captions, we can focus on what really matters: Netflix cheating. If you haven't been a victim of this phenomenon, consider yourself lucky. Netflix cheating is when you're watching a show with somebody on Netflix and they decide to watch an episode without you. Next to actually cheating or eating the last slice of pizza, Netflix cheating is absolutely a deal-breaker (unless he works in finance and you're about to get a ring).
Well the good people at Netflix took time off from promoting Stranger Things to do a study of Netflix cheating, and the results are scarier than that time you cut your own bangs. The study found that in 46 percent of couples that are watching a show together, one of the partners cheated by watching more episodes. And 44 percent of people who cheat have cheated more than 3 times, which means they could have watched half of a season without their partner. The betrayal!
But the study also found that 80 percent of all cheating happens by accident—as in they accidentally didn't press the pause button? Or they accidentally let the next episode auto-load? I'm calling bullshit on the accidental cheat. If you can't "accidentally" fall and land on a dick, you can't "accidentally" watch three episodes of The O.A.
The study also found that 20 percent of Netflix cheaters' actions are premeditated. Stay away from those people—they're fucking sociopaths. "I'm gonna tell my girl I'm working late, when really I'll be getting ahead on Luke Cage" ... WTF is wrong with you?
Most interesting is the newly discovered "sleep cheating." It's way less rape-y than it sounds: It's when your partner falls asleep while you're watching a show together and you keep watching. About 25 percent of Netflix cheaters say they only sleep cheat. This feels like the "We were on a break!" of 2017.
Netflix thinks there may be some sort of cultural component to Netflix cheating, since nearly 60 percent of couples in Mexico have a cheater, but only 27 percent of couples in the Netherlands are being unfaithful. For betches abroad, Germans are hella loyal Netflix watchers. Yet another reason you should get yourself a European boyfriend.
The moral of this study is: Change your Netflix password right now, because the only person you can trust is yourself—but not if you're like me and you like to come home drunk and watch Netflix until you pass out. If that's the case, you really can't trust anybody.