New App called Invisible Girlfriend Makes Losers Feel Loved

By The Betches

This is one of the funniest apps I’ve heard about in a while. This thing is called Invisible Girlfriend (soon to be extended to Invisible Boyfriend) and as the name suggests, allows the user to fake the existence of a girlfriend.

Now before you know anything else about it, you have to understand that it is not free. No way. It’s a membership based service that provides its members with voicemails, text messages, Facebook statuses, dick pics, you name it...

According to DailyMail, "For $9.99 per month, for example, the ‘Just Talking’ membership offers interactive texts, automated phone calls, simple gifts (available for an additional fee), and an emergency interaction button."

"Invisible Girlfriend’s ‘Getting Serious’ dues, at $29.99 per month, offer users all of the benefits of ‘Just Talking’, and more.

"Subscribers will be able to post a fake relationship to their Facebook profile, receive real voicemails, random gifts and notes, and have the option to send themselves ‘premium gifts.’

"And most serious, the ‘Almost Engaged’ membership, gives users all of the ‘Getting Serious’ perks, plus custom girlfriend characterization, the ability to create your own story, as well as live phone calls all for  $49.99 per month.”

All I have to say is, instead of having fat people on the Biggest Loser, it should have the freaks buying the Almost Engaged membership.

But I’m confused here, where’s the sexting package? I mean if I’m loser so huge that I would pay 60 dollars a MONTH for a fake girlfriend service I would expect a picture of my fake girlfriend’s nipples once a fortnight, right? It only seems fair.

Like there has to be some sort of sexual advancement in each membership, I mean you can’t be getting serious without having had sex yet. Phone sex? Suggestive voicemails? Clearly the potential members of this app will be weird so what happens when a user will eventually become clingy and want to actually tie the knot? Is there a breakup!? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

The best part of this is that Homann continues to claim that the purpose of Invisible Girlfriend is so that you can finally get your relatives off your back during the holidays about not having a significant other. I mean, BULLSHIT. He's clearly exploiting the socially awkward weirdos in this world who barely speak to anyone as it is. Now he's giving them an opportunity to go even deeper into a different reality. I mean, yeah I would never speak to one of these guys who play World of Warcraft and wear Tevas or Crocs but I bet the receptionist at my therapist’s office might.

Anyway, I can’t wait to hear more about this app if not to learn about how this guy plans to make millions on turning the losers of this world into even bigger ones.





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