New Girl: You Suck

By The Betches

New Girl, New Girl, New Girl. You can do better than that. I know that using the 'smh' is only for like, internet trolls and asians, but smh smfh. Where do we begin? First, the bromance between Schmidt and Robby was borderline just okay. Like, sure the underlying racial jokes were funny when the two of them were running around screaming 'white power' while trying to take down some Indians but I couldn't even write down one funny quote.

Then we get Nick's dad in the mix, aka Dennis Farina, an actor who people love on screen but apparently hate on TV. The reason we say we don't like him on TV was because he starred in that HBO horse racing show called Luck that was immediately cancelled…YET New Girl decides "hey let's bring back horse racing and Dennis Farina" and look at that, the episode was fucking horrible. Like what was it even about? Nick's dad is a con artist? He wanted to use Jess's money to buy a horse, then sold the horse's semen? Like, what? I wasn't even high. I don't know, the whole thing was contrived, dumb, and just not my cup of vodka.

The only two lines that were funny were obviously delivered by my favorite Soul Cycle queen, Schmidt:

When devising a plan to get Cece to dump the guy she was seeing:"If we had 10 more guys, and a plan, we could form Oceans 12. I'd be Brad Pitt, you'd be the crafty asian fellow who does the flippies"

When frustrated that Cece wore a sari for her Indian boyfriend and not for him:
"I had all these sari sexual related senarios: Monsoon Bedding, the Best Erotic Maribone Hotel, Slum-doggy-style Millionaire."

Okay New Girl, we're giving you one last chance. Disappoint us once again and… Auf wiedersehen Ahhsshole.

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