New Girl Recap: Wanna Party With Havarti? | Betches

New Girl Recap: Wanna Party With Havarti?

By The Betches

This show literally makes my life. Where else can you get an opening line like "l'chaim…to humping." Nowhere, except from Schmidt's beautiful mouth. The same mouth that asked Cece if she received his junk mail and if she wanted to go upstairs for a Schmidt n' spin. This sexy little Jew boy in his kimono just makes life worth living, or at least that half hour on Tuesdays.


What happened this episode:

Schmidt and Cece are apparently having sex, and she obviously can't get enough of him despite the fact she thinks he's a giant tool, which he is. I like to improvise with my body. I'm like a sexual snow flake, each night with me is a new experience.

The highlight of their love-making experience for us was his spiel comparing sex to various rare cheeses:

schmidt ceceJust taking a dip in some Gouda

Schmidt:But we haven't even gotten to the cheese course. A little sharp aged Cheddar.. Manchego...buttery Gruyere, are you sure you want to miss out? I just want to slowly pull the wax off your Babybels. How about a little stinky Taleggio?

 

Cece: Why is this working? I am so turned on right now.

Schmidt: Or maybe some cream cheese, you want some schmere Cece? Wanna party with Havarti?

Jess's plot was boring because who cares about children or like, science fairs. What was worse was that she sang a lot during the episode, which did not bode well with my nerves seeing as one of my biggest pet peeves is when actors who have good voices use the fact they have a hit show to start fucking singing. Like cool, we get you can sing we all saw Elf, chill with the chansons Zooayyy.

Now that my rant on actors/singers is over I'll say that I'm obsessed with how she manages to make the weirdest questions fucking hysterical. Like when she asked Schmidt if he was just hooking up with someone, "Did you have a sexual guest?"

zooeyDrop the guitar and pick up a joint

But back to hating on the science fair. What are the chances a class of 7th graders can make such a serious animated film? Then again, what are the chances that we as 7th graders were actually friends with those kids who probably knew how to make animated videos? I'm going to go out there and say slim to none.

 

Nick's story line is generally a big train wreck. He got some cactus? I mean I don't really get the whole thing but I really enjoyed watching him roll around drunk/high and topless in his bed, not because it was sexually arousing, but because I've definitely done that before. Can we all just say TG he and Janice Ian aren't a fling anymore? Finally he can swoop in on the crazy mess that is Jess.

And frankly IDC about Winston. Brown Lightening.

 

 

This show literally makes my life. Where else can you get an opening line like "l'chaim…to humping." Nowhere, except from Schmidt's beautiful mouth. The same mouth that asked Cece if she received his junk mail and if she wanted to go upstairs for a Schmidt n' spin. This sexy little Jew boy in his kimono just makes life worth living, or at least that half hour on Tuesdays.

What happened this episode:

Schmidt and Cece are apparently having sex, and she obviously can't get enough of him despite the fact she thinks he's a giant tool, which he is. I like to improvise with my body. I'm like a sexual snow flake, each night with me is a new experience.

The highlight of their love-making experience for us was his spiel comparing sex to various rare cheeses:

schmidt ceceJust taking a dip in some Gouda

Schmidt:But we haven't even gotten to the cheese course. A little sharp aged Cheddar.. Manchego...buttery Gruyere, are you sure you want to miss out? I just want to slowly pull the wax off your Babybels. How about a little stinky Taleggio?

 

Cece: Why is this working? I am so turned on right now.

Schmidt: Or maybe some cream cheese, you want some schmere Cece? Wanna party with Havarti?

Jess's plot was boring because who cares about children or like, science fairs. What was worse was that she sang a lot during the episode, which did not bode well with my nerves seeing as one of my biggest pet peeves is when actors who have good voices use the fact they have a hit show to start fucking singing. Like cool, we get you can sing we all saw Elf, chill with the chansons Zooayyy.

Now that my rant on actors/singers is over I'll say that I'm obsessed with how she manages to make the weirdest questions fucking hysterical. Like when she asked Schmidt if he was just hooking up with someone, "Did you have a sexual guest?"

zooeyDrop the guitar and pick up a joint

But back to hating on the science fair. What are the chances a class of 7th graders can make such a serious animated film? Then again, what are the chances that we as 7th graders were actually friends with those kids who probably knew how to make animated videos? I'm going to go out there and say slim to none.

 

Nick's story line is generally a big train wreck. He got some cactus? I mean I don't really get the whole thing but I really enjoyed watching him roll around drunk/high and topless in his bed, not because it was sexually arousing, but because I've definitely done that before. Can we all just say TG he and Janice Ian aren't a fling anymore? Finally he can swoop in on the crazy mess that is Jess.

And frankly IDC about Winston. Brown Lightening.

 

 




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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