Real World Roundup: Let Them Eat Face

By The Betches

Kathy Lee Gifford clearly #2 doesn't keep up with the news, and asks Martin Short if he and his wife who's been dead for 2 years and are still madly in love. Thankfully someone corrected the dumb biddy and then she later tweeted that she was sorry. She then added that it's not her fault that she's so popular and she doesn't have time to pay attention to the deaths of C list actors wives and that she gives as much of a shit about this mistake as the child sweatshop workers making Kathy Lee tanks in Honduras. Read article>>


bieber maniaWill suck dick for bieber


The Norway Police Department stated a state of emergency after Justin Bieber decided to perform 4 free songs to the public. We hear that fifteen girls fainted simultaneously. Apparently Norway decided that stupid shit like World War I and II weren't worth getting involved in but once the Biebs broke out into Boyfriend they realized this was a war worth fighting for. The Biebs pleaded via twitter for "everyone to chill the fuck out and listen to the Norway police lest he have to bring Lil Wayne in to go crazy on everyone's ass. Principal Duvall then interjected and said he ought to cancel their Spring Fling but that he wasn't going to since he already paid the DJ. Read article>>

In the craziest fucking thing we've heard in a while, a naked man was shot to death by the cops for eating half the face of some other guy on the street. Like we get it, the South Beach Diet is hard. You have to have some self-restraint. But no matter how deeply into Atkins you get (and it's clear he thought it was effective enough for him to show off his entire body) it's never okay to substitute carbs with someone's fucking face. Thankfully the diet police were there to set him straight shoot him to death.

Well this proves it. Poor people are animals. A Russian millionaire rightfully thought it'd be a funny trick to throw money out his window and watch poor people squirm around breaking each others noses like they were at a fucking petting zoo and you were dropping pieces of bread to birds. While laughing, the millionaire commented poor people are like so random and then proceeded to fold more Russian rubles into cute little paper planes that the povo people could use as blankets. Read article>>

Joey and Mel (no they're not a gay couple but no we also can't tell you which is the man) say the secret to their 64-year long marriage is their 146 matching floral outfits that they wear everywhere couple. Just a couple with really weird taste and clearly a guy who's so whipped he doesn't give a shit that he's going out looking like an old, Hawaiian shirt laden tool. Read article>>

Some betches are clearly more #24 sensitive about their bikini pics than others. A man was stabbed for photo bombing a pic another guy was trying to take on Myrtle Beach. Before stabbing the photo bomber, the stabber screamed Do you know how skinny my arm looked in that picture!? I will fucking cut you bitch. Read article>>


lindzloBars? Really Dad? You can do better.


Papa Lohan says Lindsay's a bar face and it's affecting her acting. Really Mike? Because we thought it was the BAC anklet she was recently sporting that turned her into a drug fiend and THAT was what was affecting her acting. But you're right. Anti-psychotics are totes bad for the soul. Linds should follow your lead and live a drug free life filled with bipolar disorder and heavy drinking in order to land girls in their twenties who want to fuck you because your kid starred in Mean Girls. We'd pay big money for clips of that family therapy session. Read article>>

In this week's rendition of This is why you're single, nice, and old a crazy cat lady's swarm of dead decomposing cats set off her fire detector. While it's really being attributed to the crazy number of cats this woman has running around her house like a fucking Jersey Shore inspired Grey Gardens, we just think of this as more evidence that the entire state of New Jersey should just be burned to the ground and replaced with multiple fro-yo shops. First tan mom, now cat lady. Step your shit up, NJ! Read article>>

Bobby Brown says his daughter must be also named Bobbi Brown. He said no matter how hard Bobbi keeps trying to make Bobbi Kristina happen, it's not happening and she can't escape him or his shitty parenting. He also then said that Bobbi Brown the makeup company is also his kid and they can't escape him either. In fact, everyone, he's claiming Charlie Brown as his too. Watch out world, Bobby Brown is coming and he's making sure you have his last name. Bobby's on a quest to let the whole world know who's their fucking daddy. Read article>>





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