Real World Roundup: The Royal Family Seeks Bromance

By The Betches

The 41-year-old daughter-in-law of the cofounder of Nike goes to prom with her 17-year-old student. The teacher/track coach whose husband is 73 says she felt bad for the student who didn't have a date. We're sure what she really meant was she felt bad for herself for having to fuck a saggy assed 73-year-old and needed a night out. She said they slow danced to a few songs and played foosball and ping pong which leads to the bigger questions in all of this. What kind of poor ass prom was this? What kind of loser wants to go to prom with their old ass English teacher/track coach? And finally, why do the son and daughter-in-law of the founder of Nike have fucking jobs?"Read Article>>


prince charles dj


Prince Charles gets his chance to channel his inner Avicii. After about 2 minutes at the turn tables, Charlie's life was turned around. He gave up his right to the royal throne declaring that "all I want to do is take shots and listen to graduation to "grab some milk" and beers. Ever says he wants to brestfeed "For-Ever" and notes that ancient Chinese kings breast fed until they were adults. We"re making this up as Ever couldn't have possibly said this since he was too busy sucking on his mom's teet."Read Article>>

IBM thinks Siri is a mean girl and has banned her from their office. Apparently her hair is too big and full of secrets so they�re scared of all the insider info she could possibly reveal if they used her on their work phones. Read Article>>

There's a parking spot available for 1 million dollars in Greenwich Village. Hopefully the spot comes with its own pharmacy of antipsychotic drugs for the person who was fucking crazy enough to actually pay that much for a place to put their car. Sure parking in Read Article>>

Miley Cyrus tells a talk show host that sex is beautiful and it's where babies come from and it's magic and wonderful. We assume Miley was high when giving this rambling speech about the beauty of sex and the importance of telling your kids that it creates life and beauty and mystery and tingles! If my boyfriend were Liam Hemsworth I guess that would also be the only thing I could talk about. But seriously, how jealous is everyone of Miley that all she does all day is take bong hits, fuck her Australian boyfriend, and then talk to the press about how lovely the sex is?"Read Article>>

Adopted daughter of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, Isabella Cruise says her mom is "great" and she "sees her sometimes" and "still talks to her". Isabella, who calls her mom Nicole, clearly is full of shit and she fucking hates her. She and her adopted brother Connor used to live with Tom Cruise but I guess he got too weird and Scientology and now they live in their own house in Beverly Hills. Hopefully she doesn't pull a Bobbi Kristina and start doing him."Read Article>>


Mark Zuckerberg weddingOmg did you get the latest Old Navy flip flops too!?


Mark Zuckerberg's TAB wife wore a $4,500 dollar wedding dress which we're pretty sure is the cheapest dress you could possibly make. Okay so Read Article>>

Lea Michelle's family bonding habits include some of the trashiest shit imaginable. Apparently every Easter she and her family go get tattoos together. Don't worry though, they only use really classy meaningful tattoos like butterflies on their feet and shit. Lea tells Letterman that sometimes she wakes up with a tattoo on her foot and thinks, "wow I really am a huge fucking idiot!" Lea says she has 14 tattoos but has no more special spots to put them in. Lea, how about you tattoo "I"m a fucking nice girl freak" on your forehead so people don't have to wait for her to open her mouth to get the memo."Read Article>>

Bill Clinton is enjoying his wife's pseudo lesbian outing the best way he knows delegates women who fuck for money. Clearly this is a refreshing twist from how Hilary spends her days (that is, chugging beers with women in Colombia while scouring the Atlantic for Amelia Earhart's body while swifty throwing her hair into an unattractive scrunchy while laughing her makeup-less face off). Bill and Hil are clearly competing for who can have the most fun. Though we might have to give this round to Hilary since porn stars or not, these women are rather fug. Read Article>>





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