Weekly Roundup: She Stinks Like a Fucking Marijuana Wino | Betches

Weekly Roundup: She Stinks Like a Fucking Marijuana Wino

By The Betches

Have you ever been eating your ice cream and thought, you know what would make this shit better? Cured, mass produced pig fat, that's what! If you're reading this site you probably haven't because you're not 300 pounds and you wouldn't touch an ice cream sundae with a ten foot dick. Finally, the treat America has been missing all these years. While the rich real housewives of Washington D.C. get the fat sucked out of them by intravenous tubes, the rest of America is wolfing down bacon ice cream sundaes at Burger King this summer. Ah, lifestyles of the poor and fat. Something tells me this shit is definitely not kosher. Read article >>


real world roundup

 

Betches, we introduce to you the best drink of all time. What happens when you take weed and you mix it with #31 wine? Marijuana wine! Some vineyards in California are becoming even more awesome by combining these two to save you the #36 work of rolling a joint while simultaneously pouring yourself a glass of Pinot. Something tells us Pinot Pot is to Kim Richards as Vincent Chase was to Avion. Read article >>

real world roundup

 

The KKK plans to adopt a Georgia highway, gets rejected. We can only imagine the kind of institutional changes the KKK would have made on their little stretch of sad, poor white man highway. They would probably have the scan EZ pass lane, pay cash lane, kill a minority and then blame it on another minority lane. Oh and of course, free bibles with cash toll, which of course would consist of 55 cents and a quarter of your soul. Read article >>

real world roundupMissouri would.

 

Ever need a break from it all? Ever need to get away? Ever crave the warm moisture of your mother's uterus? Finally, the chair we've all been waiting for. This uterus chair, which actually looks really comfortable, has us writing aloud the one thing that we're sure has baffled the millions hundreds of witnesses to this chair that looks like a vagina. What would it be like to have sex in that thing and where do I get one? Talk about spicing up your chic pottery barn d-cor. Read article >>

real world roundup

 

Colin Powell proves that no one is immune to all-powerful drug that is Call Me Maybe and its addictive nature. He belts it out on the CBS, proving that there's something even more rare than old black republicans, and that is old black republicans who will publicly sing Call Me Maybe. Sadly this video does not include a millisecond kiss with Justin Bieber nor a high school house party. It does however, include Charlie Rose and approximately one more black person than the original music video. On that note, why does every politician have to sing 'Call Me Maybe' to prove they are cool? You know what would make me think a politician was cool? If they started singing songs about living in the White House like "Niggas in Paradise" or that throwback hit jam "Peaches and Cream". Read article >>

Lindsay Lohan proves she can in fact get dumber, and lies to police about her car accident. LindzLo is being charged with lying to police and saying that her assistant was driving instead of her when she crashed her Porsche. The fact that she lied about this is actually laughable. It'd be like if Voldemort just kept insisting that it was his assistant was the one who was trying to kill Harry in the seventh book. It's like, listen we're not buying it and how did you possibly think that would fly? Plus, how much did she pay her assistant to take the fall for this one? How can she still afford an assistant? And finally, what does her assistant assist her with? Because if I'm Lindsay Lohan's assistant the first starred item on my checklist would be 1) Don't let this bitch get drunk and crash her car again. 2) Pick up cocaine from Pedro. Fail. Read article >>

real world roundup

 

 




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