NEWSFLASH: No One Gives A Fuck About Honey Boo Boo

By Betch Waldorf

Alright, I’m just going to come out and say what we’ve all been thinking for about five years: no one gives a flying fuck in space about Honey Boo Boo and her family.

Recently, Honey Boo Boo and the rest of the Beverly Hillbillies have been even more famous than usual because the mom - Aunt Jemima? Mama June? Whatever- has begun dating a registered sex offender. When finding this out, the network that loves to exploit the fucking weirdos of the world, TLC, cancelled their show “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”

The fact that the show had fucking four seasons honestly makes me want bang my head against a brick wall. How fucking long can people actually watch this show before they go fully brain dead?

People are starting to question the parenting within the Boo Boo house. Fucking finally. I think that maybe that should have been done like 5 years ago when Mama June was basically drugging her daughter using Go-Go juice. The juice was basically a mixed drink combined with like gasoline, 5-hour energy, and cocaine. Mama June literally was the creepy guy that they tell you to avoid at bars and fucked with her kids drink. Child Protective Services has def been taking a five year hiatus on that whole issue. Do they even have a CPA near their hometown? Or like, running water?

Beyond that, does it bother anyone else how often they repeat words in naming things? “Boo-Boo”? “Go-Go”? I know they aren’t very smart, but is their vocabulary really that limited? They sound like the new Taylor Swift album- constantly repeating the same fucking words.

Apparently the weirdest part is that the father of Honey Boo Boo isn’t super worried that his daughter is J-chillin with a sex offender, but he is going redneck crazy over the fact that his show is over. I really don’t find it that weird that the dad DGAFs about his child’s welfare. In fact, I would honestly be surprised if he did care.

What’s the moral of this story? If I wanted to watch a bunch of trashy people act like fucking idiots, I would re-watch season one of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I really don’t give a single fuck about the show being cancelled. In fact, if anything, I'm happy it’s over. Hopefully from now on being a Jabba the Hutt lookalike and whoring out your children on television no won't constitute being a fucking celebrity.






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