The great people that bring us The Bachelor have released the trailer for this season featuring Nick Viall.
Now, don't have me break this thing down for nothing, y'all.
"Nick has had his heart broken three times" says a super overdramatic announcer.
Um, OK, I'll give him two times. The third time, on Bachelor In Paradise, was definitely his own doing so I'm calling BULLSHIT. K, we get it, he's still single. Join the club, Nick.
"But Monday, January 2nd, he'll get to find the one."
By finding the "one", do they mean he'll get to road test 20 vaginas and see which one fits best in a Goldie Locks situation? Because that's more of the vibe we're getting from all the gossip surrounding this season right now.
"And these 30 single women can't wait to get. Some. Nick."
I stand corrected. Apparently he'll get to road test 30 vaginas. See what these clever producers did? "Get some Nick" sounds a lot like "Get some dick". Hilarious and classy, just the way I like my Bachelor.
"I want Nick right now. Right now."
Calm it down, bitch. There's going to be plenty of dick—I mean, NICK—to go around. They might as well have said, "Whoever hitting it ain't hitting it right, because she act like she need Nick in her life."
Is this season going to be a scandalous shit show? I really hope so. Nothing would be more depressing than to not have Nick bring the drama. OK, January 2nd cannot come soon enough.