Not Enough Sex, Creeping Boyfriends And Other Shit - Ask A Pro Mailbag | Betches

Not Enough Sex, Creeping Boyfriends And Other Shit - Ask A Pro Mailbag

By The Head Pro

Time once again to clean out my inbox, so here's a whole big shitload of your emails. As always, I can be reached at [email protected]


Hi Head Pro,

So I just got myself into a relationship about 6 months ago. He is very very sweet, caring, and just all around a really great guy. If we have a problem, he is quick to address it and talk it out, and we for the most part have an extremely healthy relationship. I’ve been thinking about the long term a lot, but there is one serious problem that I really can’t get past. Our libidos are terribly mismatched. I want sex at least once a day, and I could go 3x a day if he wanted. He probably wants it 2-3x a week… and he’s been this way throughout our whole relationship. Btw- for reference, we are both in our mid twenties. When we DO have sex, it’s fucking mind-blowing. He always takes care of me, it’s definitely the best sex I’ve ever had- which makes the situation all the more upsetting. Lately he says he feels pressured, emasculated, hates addressing it and it breaks my heart. I want a life with this man, I love him very very much, could I be completely overreacting and placing too much importance on sex? It’s huge to me- but I feel like throwing away an amazing relationship because I have a super high sex drive while he only has a moderate sex drive would be extremely stupid of me. However, sometimes it is all I can think about and I just get so anxious that he doesn’t find me attractive and that things will never change…

Help!

Jesus, I’m not sure where people would even find the time to have sex three times per day. That’s a lotta work. And like, say your boyfriend has to get up and schlep to and from work everyday. Then, assuming he’s not one of these fools who’ve deluded themselves into thinking the #DadBod is actually attractive, he goes to the gym. Then you gotta make food and eat, and then aw fuck I’m like two weeks behind on Game Of Thrones and all I want to do now is go to bed so I can get up and continue to convince myself that there’s a point to my existence.

Anyway, it clearly has nothing to do with how he sees you - you said yourself he comes correct when it’s game time. People just have different libidos, and while it’s true that it sucks when one person dictates all the sex, you wouldn’t like it if the shoe were on the other foot and he were the one pestering you. If you can avail yourself of the notion that his sex drive is a commentary on your attractiveness, you should begin to feel less anxious about it. As a compromise, see if he’s down to work in some extra bone sessions on the weekend, when he’s less stressed. In the mean time, don’t feel bad about servicing yourself if you need the release. Guys certainly don’t.

Hi HeadPro,
Some general questions.
1. If I am friends with a guy, and we fucked twice and we start bootycalling each other, is it impossible for him to start seeing me as dating material because our relationship is already based off sexual things?
2. Is it a turn off to hear that a girl had a threeway with two guys?
3. In general, if a girl used to be really easy but changed her ways, and is more selective, would guys think differently of her? Or would the image of the slutty girl stay?

Thanks.

  1. Probably, but not because of the sex - it’s because he was never that into your anyway.
  2. Mostly, yes - but only if a guy’s not into that himself. You never know!
  3. I mean, they’re not going to forget if it’s the same friends you’re talking about. If they’re good people, they never held it against you anyway. If not, then you need new friends.

You’re Welcome.

Dear Head Pro,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple months now, and I believe we have a great sex life- but I worry sometimes that it may be one-sided. You see, every time we have sex, I always finish, a lot of the multiple times, but he doesn't always. He lasts over an hour almost every time, and I know this is a good thing but it gets to the point where when I've finished it becomes painful for me. The only time we don't really have this problem is when I'm on top, and then we generally finish at the same time, but I want him to be able to finish when we do other positions too. I've talked to him about it before and he says that it's because he holds it in so he doesn't finish within the first five minutes, and then it becomes more difficult to finish, is that true? I just worry that I'm doing something wrong, or that he isn't attracted to me, even though whenever I bring it up he reassures me this is not true. 

Basically, I just wanna know if this is normal, or if there is something I am doing wrong or something more I can be doing, or if this is an underlying issue that means something more or if I'm just crazy and overthinking everything.

Thanks!

Are you using condoms? Because while it’s hard to call anything “normal” with regards to human sexuality, lasting for over an hour is practically unheard of. Like, I cannot in good conscience advise you to stop using condoms (especially without another form of birth control), but that’s the only non-medical reason I can think of for such a lengthy fuck sesh. Other than that, is he on any medications? Because that could have an effect, but these are all things he would need to talk to a doctor about, not an anonymous internet person.

But no, you’re not doing anything wrong - there are sickos out there who fuck dead bodies and inanimate objects and manage to get off just fine. If he can splooge with you on top, then I would keep doing that when you’re ready for things to come to a close. I would also advise going a few rounds where he’s free to climax whenever it happens naturally (regardless of whether you do or not) rather than strapping a tourniquet to his dick or whatever the fuck it is he does to hold back. Eventually, he may learn to go with the flow a little better that way.

Dear Head Pro,

I dated a guy earlier this year who completely ghosted on me after three dates. On our third date, he told me he's ready to be in a serious relationship and wanted to introduce me to his family. Next thing I know, he's completely stopped responding to my texts. He's close friends with my cousin, who’s recently engaged, and soon I'll have to be attending an engagement party and wedding he'll surely be at. How do I deal with seeing him in public?

-Ghosted

Man, what a pigeon-fucker. I think you gotta go for the highest of the high road, here. Like, mingle, enjoy yourself at the party, and act THRILLED (but still aloof) to see him when he comes to say hi. I’m talking introducing him to people, telling everyone he’s great and that you met him through your cousin, etc. Since the wedding and party is for a family member, you kind of have the edge here in terms of status. Make him be the one to make things awkward by explaining himself. If he doesn’t, well, enjoy yourself and you’ll never have to see him again.

Dear Head Pro,

I've been dating a guy for about a year and a half now and things have been great. I'm going on a trip to Europe for two months and things were looking fabulous (um hello, European summer??) until he dropped a bomb on me over dinner the other night. He asked if it was ok that he hangs out with girls while I'm gone. Typically, I'd be fine with it, I just told him no "date-y" things or things we haven't done before, but he recently admitted to previously having feelings for this one girl, but said he's "not attracted" to her anymore. I know he loves me, but I'm worried he might start to re-develop old feelings while I'm away and he's seeing her (maybe?) on the reg. I feel nauseous thinking about it, and wanted a pro's advice.

Is it too far to admit serious jealousy and ask that he not see her? Or does that make me the BSCB?

Cheers,
Euro-Bound Betch

I don’t think you’re crazy, I think your boyfriend is either a) up to something or b) a fucking moron. For starters, you don’t “ask permission” to hang out with girls while your girlfriend is away - you conduct yourself like an autonomous adult who also knows where the line is between harmlessness and disrespect. You also don’t tell your girlfriend that you used to have feelings for one of the girls you’re asking to hang out with. Like, keep that shit to yourself. I retract my earlier statement - whether he’s trying to creep or not, he’s definitely a fucking moron.

I think, instead of issuing outright decrees, you probe. Why does he want to hang out with women, specifically? Why did he feel the need to confess his past affection for this girl? Why is he, like, making plans before you’re even on the plane. That will help you sniff out his intentions a lot better than just telling him “no” and hoping he listens.




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LET IT OUT, HONEY

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