May 11, 2015
Vanderpump Rules fans, rejoice! If you’re having withdrawals from the ridiculously entertaining train wreck of a show or just missing the soft tones of Stassi shit-talking about anyone or anything, you’re in luck. Stassi Schroeder has a podcast, and it’s about fucking time. I mean, if Stassi decided to give up on her life as a chain-smoking waitress (not to mention her spot on the show) to pursue a career in fashion and a boyfriend who isn’t nearly as entertaining as Jax, she better still be giving us something. After months of trying to fill the hole that Serial left in my heart and trying to force myself to get into This American Life (not happening), I was so thankful to find a podcast I could actually listen to. My commute to and from work could finally be enlivened by some real entertainment… or at least that is what I thought.
Ok, so the podcast isn’t, like, bad or anything. It can actually be pretty entertaining, but not in the way I had expected. Of all the Vanderpump cast, Stassi really seemed to be the one who had her shit together. She didn’t wear turbans (Scheana, I’m lookin’at you), she was more self-aware than some of the crazies (i.e. Kristen) and even when she was at her worst, she looked better than everyone else. I think anyone listening would expect to not only be entertained by her podcast, but to learn invaluable information. All while laughing at the “omg it’s so funny because it’s sooo true” moments. What listeners get instead are hour-long conversations between her and a special guest (usually one of her “BEST friends”) that start out with awkward silence and continue as Stassi blindly navigates through a variety of topics.
It may be to make herself look better, but Stassi’s special guests have been extremely underwhelming. They basically agree with what she says, add their own commentary and then end the podcast by telling her what a good friend and person she is. She even has her own mom on the show, which was by far my favorite because that woman is batshit crazy. She also does an episode with her boyfriend, who just comes across as overbearing, probably because he does radio for a living and she sucks at it. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely funny parts to every episode, but sometimes it feels like Stassi is an amateur stand-up comedian and her friends are there to laugh at her jokes.
Honestly, Stassi should stick with what she knows. The best parts of the podcast are when she talks about Sur and what it was like when they were shooting the show, but her lack of shit-talking and ripping people apart is a crushing disappointment. Since when does Stassi care about offending people? It appears that quitting Sur, shacking up with her boyfriend and gaining a few pounds has turned her into a softer person (both emotionally and physically). Straight-Up with Stassi may not be what we had hoped for, but it’s a hell of a lot more entertaining than listening to something “educational.” If listening to her and Kristina Kelly discuss the pros and cons of guys doing yoga makes my commute to work any more bearable, I’m all for it… I just wish Tom’s infidelity and Jax’s nose job could make their way into the conversation.