June 30, 2015
Have you recently found yourself wondering what Katy Perry is up to these days? No? Me either, but I'll tell you anyway.
In her spare time, when she's not getting shit on by Taylor Swift or cameoing in Madonna videos, it would appear that Katy P. is trying (and failing) to buy an old convent in Los Feliz. You know, casual pop star things.
According to the Washington Post, Katy has been in communication with The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles to acquire this holy piece of real estate, which she offered to pay 14.5 million dollars in cash for. If I gleaned anything from high school European history, it's that the Catholic Church is a pretty big fan of money (and lighting people on fire, but that's a topic for another day), so you would think this deal would be working out in her favor. Unfortunately for Katy and the no doubt very tasteful redecorations she had planned for her convent, two nuns who claim to own the property are very aware that she kissed a girl, and they did NOT like it.
Completely oblivious to pop culture in only the way that old people can be, the two nuns decided to look up Katy Perry's YouTube channel to find out who was so hellbent (pun absolutely intended) on buying their property. Turns out they were not psyched with what they found, and attempted to sell the convent to another buyer before Katy's deal could go through. Has no one informed them about her unsuccessful first (and only) contemporary Christian rock album? What more proof do they need of her dedication?
Apparently a lot more. Not even a private performance of "Oh Happy Day" and the revealing of Katy's vaguely described "Jesus tattoo on her wrist area" could sway the steadfast nuns. "Our days have not been happy since then, I can assure you," one of the nuns (forevermore known as Sister Shady) told the Times. I'm not sure how you recover from devout women of faith talking shit about you to a national newspaper, but I am very excited to find out. Here's hoping they both get recruited to the Swift Squad ASAP..