January 28, 2014
Dear Head Pro,
I made a Hot or Not (kinda like tinder) for fun, not expecting to have an actual convo with anyone. Just some funny sexts and a self-esteem boost. Actually started talking to a guy and we have a lot in common and he seems really cool. We are fb friends and we were talking about skyping and maybe going on a date.
I want to meet him but the app is kinda sketchy. Not trying to end up in a sex dungeon. What are your thoughts?
Dear Betch who bla bla bla,
Thank you for explaining Hot or Not to me. I couldn’t have figured it out on my own from the name, or the fact that it’s been around in one form or another for like ten goddamned years. Now it’s just a Tinder clone, but it used to be this thing where you could post a picture of yourself and accumulate “hot” or “not” ratings from other people. I posted a picture of an ex girlfriend on there once, and I’m really pissed I can’t log in on the website to see how she’s faring. Fuck you Hot or Not, you can’t have my Facebook info.
In one sense you’re right, the app is sketchy in that it has the very essence of human objectification right there in the name, but on the other hand, can we stop pretending that any dating app or site is really any “sketchier” than the rest of them? They all do the same thing: provide an element of plausible deniability to our very obvious need for validation and attention. “Oh, haha, I wasn’t looking to talk to anyone, unless they had flattering things to say,” she says, until she gets matched with someone she actually wants to meet.
As far as avoiding his sex dungeon, don’t skype or do any of that stupid bullshit. You’d be shocked at the number of people who start and maintain entirely online relationships. Instead, do like you would for any blind date: Meet in a public place in daylight, and have a firm cutoff time you can use if things get weird. Not that hard.
Dear Head Pro,
Thanks for taking the time to look at my question. I've known my boyfriend for three years and we've been dating off and on for two. I'm 23, he's 28 and he's in the midst of deciding where to attend law school. Most of his top picks are in state but he's also considering out-of-state schools.
When he starts in the fall, I will have graduated undergrad from college, but I have no intention of uprooting my life here to follow him wherever he goes (nor does he expect me to). I want to be supportive and allow him to objectively choose a school based on what he feels is best for him.
Truthfully, I want him to stay in state. If he were to live somewhere hours away, I just don't feel that we'd survive it. Law school is at least a three year commitment and students typically attend school where they plan to practice law.
He's still in the midst of applying and won't know for a few more months where he's going in September. I don't want to pressure him, so I don't know if I should I say anything?
Dear not all that supportive,
Ok - What’s with this idea you have that law students “typically” attend school where they want to practice law? I have about a dozen friends who work for big firms in New York, and not one of them went to school anywhere near New York. Do you think that everyone who wants to be an agent/entertainment lawyer goes to school in LA? As long as you go to a decent school (Vault top 20 or better), all you’re doing is spending a lot of money for the honor of reviewing gigantic contracts for about $35/hour.
Anyway, you’ve been “on and off” for two years, you aren’t deep into it enough such that you’d move to be with him, and he apparently feels the same way - why, exactly, is this a question then? It’s nice that you “want” to “allow” him to choose the school that’s best for him [makes wanking motion], but it sounds like he’s going to do that anyway.
Believe me, he’s aware that you’d probably prefer he go somewhere in-state. If he’s applying to law school, I’m almost positive he can read a map and understand how travel works. He also knows that sacrificing a choice school to stay closer to his fickle, overbearing 23 year old girlfriend could negatively impact his career. There’s nothing you need to say, because both of you have played out all of the possible scenarios in your heads. All that’s left to do is wait.
If he ends up going out of state, you might be better off anyway. I hear lawyers start balding much sooner than non-lawyers. Probably because their heads are so full of legal nonsense and regret that there’s no room for hair follicles.