A Ranking Of All The Previous 'Bachelors' | Betches

A Definitive Ranking Of All the Old Bachelors By Hotness

By Lisa Vanderbetch

I don’t know one fucking person on the planet that isn’t excited for 2017 to be over. For one, we can finally say goodbye to this dumpster fire of a year. For another, The Bachelor comes back on January 1, so I have another reason to drink a shit ton of wine on a Monday and judge people mercilessly. I consider both two of my greatest passions. Only downside is that we have to watch and pretend to give a shit about Arie Luweklfjakga, a man who hasn't been relevant since before I could legally drink. Vomit. But whatever. It’ll do. I guess. To celebrate the show coming back, we decided to rank all of the previous Bachelors by hotness. Merry fucking Christmas.

20. Bob Guiney

Bob Guiney

Bob was a classic nice guy. We loved his personality and all, but yeah… Sorry, dude.

19. Ben Flajnik

Ben Flaknik

Sorry, Ben F., but you weren’t hot AND you sucked as a human. Also, I saw a meme once comparing him to Francine from Arthur and I will literally never be the same.

18. Byron Velvick

Byron Velvick

I don’t even remember this season and now I see why. Byron looks like a creepy dad/youth pastor that thinks it’s cool to have long greasy hair and an orange tan even when you’re old AF. (Sounds like a certain president of ours...)

17. Alex Michel

Alex Bachelor

The OG Bachelor wasn’t hot at all. I don’t remember his personality because I was like, 5 when this shit started, but I wouldn’t look twice at this bro even if I was Bachelor-finale-night drunk.

16. Jason Mesnick

Jason Mesnik

Jason always looked really tiny and that’s just not hot. And I’m never going to get over what he did to Melissa on After The Final Rose, so fuck that guy.

15. Lorenzo Borghese

Prince Lorenzo Bachelor

Ugh he looks like a total snooze, but he gets bonus points for being a prince aka rich AF.

14. Charlie O’Connell

Charlie OConnell

Oh yeah… Jerry O’Connell’s brother. Are they twins? Because they look freaky alike. He drops on the hotness scale for being the less famous brother. No one wants second place in the fam—just ask Jordan Rodgers.

13. Nick Viall

Nick Viall

Nick "I Want To Be A Serious Actor Now" Viall. I'll give it to you: you're handsome, but the fact that you picked someone with IMDb page to wife... no. Bye. Nice desperate cameo on Will & Grace, but even your Instagram thirst traps won't get me.

12. Jake Pavelka

Jake Bachelor

TBH, he’s like, objectively pretty attractive, but he’s the biggest dick ever and had anger management issues and I just can’t deal with hothead alpha bros.

11. Andy Baldwin

Andy Baldwin

Who tf even are you?

 10. Matt Grant

Matt Bachelor

Wait… Who tf are you? Was I drunk for like, two seasons in a row?

9. Aaron Buerge

Aaron B Bachelor

Oh thank God. Someone I remember. Kind of. He wasn’t the hottest, but he was fine. I’d hit it if I was drunk enough, for sure.

8. Chris Soules

Chris Soules

When the show started, I was actually pretty excited because he’s fit, and he has great teeth, and I live for that shit. But he was annoying AF, and no one in the whole fucking world wants to move to Iowa. Iowa is never going to happen. Also, Chris might be going to jail for five years for a "hit and run, resulting in death." So...don't wait up for this one? I guess that's my advice. 

7. Andrew Firestone

Andrew Firestone

I honestly don’t think he’s like, the hottest guy alive, but his family owns a winery and that’s the kinda shit I wanna marry into.

6. Sean Lowe

Sean Lowe

Sean was a sweetie and he’s a solid eight on the sexy scale, but shut up about being a virgin who can't drive. We fucking get it and don’t care.

5. Juan Pablo Galavis

Juan Pablo

I know, I know. He’s the worst. But remember how excited you were when you found out he was the next Bachelor? Yeah. It wasn’t because you were gonna have to read subtitles for eight weeks straight.

4. Brad Womack

Brad Womack

Another asshole. Maybe I should talk to my therapist about this? Idk. Put it on the list. He had an older, distinguished look about him without looking like a fucking dad.

3. Travis Lane Stork

Travis Stork

Travis is kind of nerdy but still hot and he’s a big-time doctor so he ain’t no scrub. I love a Bachelor who actually made something of himself after the show instead of just going on Bachelor In Paradise and living off SugarBearHair sponsorships. Dr. Travis is now one of the main dudes on The Doctors on ABC every morning so like, he’s still famous and rich.

2. Jesse Palmer

Jesse Palmer

A lot like Travis, Jesse actually took his Bachelor platform to do something legit. He’s a broadcaster on Good Morning America and he announces football games for all you sporty betches. He beats out Travis because he’s actually hotter.

1. Ben Higgins

Ben Higgins

A surprise to no one. Sure, he’s a little bit of a nice guy, but he is so adorable and sexy and great. He’s the guy you marry, which is the whole point of The Bachelor, right Chris Harrison??? Now if only Ben would answer my DMs...




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