Four Things To Do with Shitty Candy Canes

By Betchy Crocker

No doubt you have a metric shit ton of candy and cookies sitting on your kitchen counter, begging to be eaten. You’re probs all like “dammit what do I do with this shit” since feeding it to your boyfriend/dog/cat isn’t cutting it anymore.

When it comes to candy canes, at least, we can kinda help. There’s more to these white and red festive poles than meets the eye – obviously.

Here are four things you can do with those festive bastards:

1. Pulverize them and make candy cane cocaine dust: Yes, you can. Pulverize your candy canes in a super strong food processor and use the dust for all kinds of things: mix it into your hot cocoa; use it to rim your shot/martini glasses; even use it with chili powder, garlic, and cayenne to dust pork or steak. Yes, really.

2. Infuse your vodka: As we’ve stated before, you can infuse booze with just about anything, so, this time, do it with those fucking candy canes you have laying around. Grab a 750 mL bottle of vanilla vodka and infuse it with about five small candy canes, allowing a day for them to dissolve completely. Shake well and use for like, everything.

3. Make candy cane simple syrup: While we’re on the subject of cocktails, make some candy cane simple syrup by dissolving 1 cup of water with 1 cup of candy cane dust in a saucepan over medium heat. Let it cool and use for sweetening your tea, sweetening your cocktails, and much, much more.

4. Bake them into shit: Yes, you can bake candy canes into things other than cookies, although that’d be yummy, too. Create some not-overly-sweet biscotti by crunching your candy canes in a plastic bag with a rolling pin/pan you continually slam down. Incorporate them into the dough for whatever you’re making. It’ll be a nice change of sweetness for your coffee as opposed to thick frosting or chocolate. So basic. 




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