The Olympic Athletes Are Living Like Povos, Gross

By LaBetch James

Let's just cut to the chase. By this point, you know that it's a giant fucking orgy for athletes at the Olympics. So you would think Rio de Janeiro would want to ensure the world's best athletes are humping in the most sanitary way possible, right? After all, they are handing out a record 450,000 condoms.

But that's apparently not the case. The IOC is calling the living arrangements "low-budget", and that's an understatement of Olympic-sized penis proportions.

Apparently, the Australian athletes who have already arrived to Olympic Village have deemed it too uninhabitable to sleep there, so they moved to a hotel. Meanwhile, the Italian team has hired contractors to complete renovations for their building in the village. 

Some of the worst reports claim that there is no hot water, exposed electrical wiring, and faulty plumbing. Hmmm, why does this sound familiar? *Cough* Russia. The Rio 2016 Spokesman admitted there was a small fire due to a short circuit after athletes had already moved in, and a stress test showed that when toilets were flushed "water leaked and ran down the walls".

Brooklyn Nine Nine ew

19 of the 31 athlete buildings have not yet passed security tests, even though the Olympics start in less than two weeks. So casual sex, the threat of Zika, and hostel-like living arrangements. Go Team USA. Bring home the medals and the babies.

will ferrell USA chant




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